I cannot believe it has been so many months since a post. A quick update...
1) Biking to work is so unbelievable. When we moved across the country, one promise I made myself was that if I had to fly 3000 miles to train in my dream specialty, there was no way I was going to sit in traffic every day. So we found a house that is a good bike-able distance from the hospital. I have composed so many posts in the many early morning and late (and odd, 2 AM post shift) rides home, but none have translated into an actual post. I'll catch up.
2) Time is a great healer. A great equalizer. A great decompressor. When we first moved, everything was so raw, so scary. It stayed that way for a while. That fear, uncertainty, difficulty, and stress was only compounded by having our moving truck arrive a month late, evacuating for a hurricane, and realizing that being a resident is really intimidatingly scary stuff. Also, my son HATED school. And my husband realized finding a job was not as easy as it seemed in a new city with no contacts or networks. But all that is over now.
Which brings me to now...
Some days I feel like super mom. I have prepped meal plan organized food in the fridge, menus written on the kitchen chalkboard, cut up fruits and vegetables to snack on. My kids have their backpacks and lunches packed by the door, clothing laid out on their beds. I'm rocking this mom/resident thing. But then there are days like tonight. I was coming off a really hard stretch of super intense 5 nights in a row. Working over Xmas in a vacation spot is like Target on Black Friday in the ED. So. Many. Patients. So. Many. Drunk. People. So. Many. Lacerations/Holiday Hearts/I left my meds in another state. Just. So. Many. So when I had a "switch day" from nights to days, I slept. Then I made a cake. Then I went out for a manicure. I had no energy for the market, meal prep, lunch making, and homework organizing, so we took a night off. But today, I had an early morning shift, that stretched from "I'll be home by dinner" to "I'll be home after a central line/LP/all my notes." Our wonderfully flexible nanny texted me at 5 pm asking dinner plans. At 5:30, I got a picture of my kids eating their favorite go to snack-for-dinner: Chocolate hazelnut butter sandwiches with rainbow sprinkles, on whole wheat bread. At least it's whole wheat? And the "healthy" brand chocolate butter instead of Nutella?
One thing I am learning as a resident/mom without my family around is that I can't do it all, and I can't pretend to do it all. I have learned to be okay not looking put together all the time (ie: show up to the holiday show post overnight in scrubs), be okay that my kids eat the provided lunch plan instead of a cute bento box, and be okay that I have yet to attend a single PTA function and don't really feel guilty at all.
Hope to post more often,
Boxes
Been thinking about you so good to hear the update!! Yeah, you've got to throw the PTA functions out the window. I have yet to fulfill a single required work the concession stand at my kid's school. I just give money (which I didn't have as a resident, but you will eventually). You made me wish I had topped the Nutella (we didn't have the healthy kind back then) sandwiches with rainbow sprinkles now it's too late (sob). I'm curious. I get the lacerations and I left my meds in another state but what are Holiday Hearts?
ReplyDeleteNever mind I just bumped into my cardiologist friend in the cafeteria he explained it. I think I may have holiday heart with my hypertension around the holidays!
DeleteThe holiday hearts (people with HTN/CAD who stopped meds/ate a ton of salty foods, and drank wine over the holidays, now with CHF exacerbations and/or unstable angina) are actually some of the sickest people in the ED. And, surrounded by family members and none of their usual health care team, some of the more challenging cases :P
DeleteI am skeptical of the "healthy" Nutella. I suspect a marketing ploy. Why on earth are you trying to be supermom when regularmom is plenty good enough?
ReplyDeleteThe "super mom" pressure is real. We are in a constant competition with ourselves and the instagram world of others. Sometimes it is hard to put it all into perspective. And while working late hours and not being home > 2 hours in 6 days during daylight, sometimes aiming for supermom when I am finally home is a way to push down some of the guilt.
DeleteI feel you and I am only part time, not near a resident’s hours anymore. I don’t do the required volunteer hours at my daughter’s preschool, I just pay the penalty of $12 per hour not worked. And because I’m anesthesia and often can’t predict when I’ll be home, we don’t have dinner together those nights; everyone eats separate thingsl at separate times. My daughter rarely eats breakfast on my workdays and ends uo snacking on a few nuts or a pat of butter (yes really). You are doing fine!
ReplyDeletepats of butter?! that is amazing. and gross. but also amazing.
Deletemy son walked into school with a yogurt and a silverware spoon last week because I had no more papergoods!
My husband was the PTA parent in our house, because they held the meetings on Tuesday evenings and I had office hours on Tuesday evenings. I never went to a PTA meeting, never volunteered at school (beyond visiting the class to talk about medicine) and never sent in homemade treats. And I was an attending working part-time, not a resident. You are rocking this.
ReplyDeleteMy husband would NEVER do PTA. He isn't the most social and has zero guilt that we are not involved in school stuff. Every time I feel guilty, he has no clue what I'm talking about or why I care. I need to adopt his mentality. And, based on all the supportive comments on the thread, the sooner I accept it and let it go, the better :)
DeleteI think you get extra points too for a little self care with that manicure - sounds like the best way to try and switch back to a day person! It’s hard for me too to take a break from the groceries and meal prep (one night off tends to throw off most of my week) but somehow when that gets skipped everyone still gets fed and it turns out okay
ReplyDeleteI fell asleep while getting the manicure... but isn't that the point?
ReplyDelete