Almost a year ago, I was worried about her lack of verbal expression. Now, she talks constantly. She knows so many words, it’s amazing. But I'm starting to realize that having a highly verbal child exposes your own verbal ticks.
She adorably engages in imaginary play with lots of critters and stuffed animals. When they “take naps”, she shhhhhs them really loudly and pats them quite vigorously. Hopefully that’s not how she sees my pats and shhhhs. She scolds the dog in the same booming tone and inflection as my husband. She rattles off “thereyago” all the time. Apparently I say this a lot. Along with some choice swear words, particularly the ones that start with S and F, when I drop things or mess up in some way. Bad mama.
But most concerning is actually her use of “sorry”. I’d rather have her throwing around an occasional swear word than apologizing for everything she does. I didn’t realize it, but I do this too. It’s such an easy word to say, yet the meaning is both diluted and potentially detrimental when used to frequently. Saying sorry is apparently epidemic among women. There have been so many pieces written about this in the past few years, but I found this one most entertaining (replete with GIFs). Sasha at Brave Enough gave examples of how sorry is frequently used by women in the OR. After reading this, I'm going to think about what I say the next time there is an anesthesia delay during surgery.
What about you? What do you say that your child echoes back to you, and has it prompted you to change the way you talk?
I tried stopping the endless sorries and people complained I was rude. #cantwin? Or maybe men should be apologizing more....
ReplyDeleteI know! I think somewhere there’s an elusive medium. I hope.
DeleteI have been known to apologize for the weather. I try to corral it....I try...
ReplyDeleteMy little echo wasn't words, really. It was the time my kid and her cousin came out of the playroom with a doll in a stroller. They were dressed up in skirts and "high heels." Eve handed me a toy diaper bag and said "You need to watch the baby. We have a meeting." She was not quite three. Oy.
Haha oh yes, I am also reminded by my child’s play that I look at my phone a lot!
DeleteSuper cute with the shhhhhs and pats! I actually made it my goal this week to stop saying “I’m sorry” after a patient told me “it’s okay” after I apologized 5x or so during a routine Pap smear/pelvic exam (and it was an unremarkable nonpainful exam lest anyone think this was the kind of exam necessitating more apologies....) - I didn’t even realize I was saying it until the patient kept correcting me. So now I’m both glad it’s more common, but now that I’ve read your post and the linked articles I didn’t realize how detrimental it can be - and I already know I struggle with confidence issues as it is. So I’m going to make it my personal goal for no apologies this week. Unless I trip or bump into someone while they’re walking or something.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I know where you’re coming from, I also suffer from confidence issues at work, less so as years go by but sometimes it is still apparent.
DeleteI think in general this is a woman/girl issue, and I have had to make myself conscious of it too, especially in a very unbalanced gender workplace. I used to think it was just Southern, but apparently not. Lately I've been working on it with my 12 year old son. He's a sensitive artist/musician empath, and too quick with the word. I love hearing about your daughter! They mimic us so much at that age. Mine are at the age where they are trying not to be like me because most everything I say or do rubs them the wrong way, lol, especially in front of their friends.
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DeleteHaha I’m sure she’ll be at the “Mom. Please.” stage soon enough! Good luck with working on sorries for your son!
DeleteMy daughter once told me I embarrassed her by singing too loudly. It was the National Anthem at a major league baseball game.
DeleteI get in trouble for singing, jokes, some days just existing. But I am also pretty close to them both and get lots of info about school, parties, boyfriends, etc. So it makes up for the eye rolls.
DeleteMy oldest says sorry a lot (she’s 9) and we’ve already talked about only apologizing for something that you caused. I’ve tried to give her alternatives like excuse me, pardon me...but is that better? I’ve told her not to feel bad for taking up space. For being tall. For being silly. For being smart. There’s so much coaching that goes into building sensitive kids confidence, it’s overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome!
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