Wednesday, December 13, 2017

When You're Happy Being a Mother, But Not In Medicine

Lately, seeing patients has really taken a toll on me.  The need of parents to "quick-fix" their child that very likely has spent many years getting to the situation that they are currently in (perhaps aggression, depression, etc) has really been weighing on me.  I sympathize with parents of difficult children, I really do.  This past weekend, every time I had an enjoyable moment with my own children (or a moment of peace away from my own children), I thought of the families I see that do not get such luxuries.  It was quite difficult; I was not able to enjoy even the littlest of moments with my family.

In the past, I had spent much time looking into non-clinical careers and I'm at it again.  However, nothing ever seems to be "attainable", even for me, a board-certified physician.  Everything seems that it is outside of my area of expertise, everything except clinical care.  But today, and actually for several weeks, I've just been feeling more and more that I will not last in this career.  I won't make it at the rate it's going.  I need an out, but what? And most importantly, what's an out that will still allow me to pay off my student loans?

This may sound like burn-out to some of you wiser ladies.  And it very well may be, and maybe if I just took a step back and re-assessed the situation I would feel differently.  But the reality is that I disliked medical school, residency, fellowship, and now attending life.  All the while, I told myself it would be better; that I picked a good career; that I had a good job; that I was able to live comfortably with decent hours of work; that at least I didn't hate what I did (I do not hate child psychiatry, when parents are reasonable); and most importantly, I always told myself, "It will get better one day" and one day hasn't come. Is all of my life going to be tolerating what my job is, or will I ever be excited to go to work? What kind of career would that even be for me to be excited to go to work?

So I wanted to ask you ladies.  Have you ever considered a career away from medicine? What did you consider? Why didn't you do it (or if you did, how's it going??)  I know I'm not alone in this.  How can we help each other?

10 comments:

  1. I have considered a career at a think tank/ in public policy for years. I actually like clinical medicine though. There’s also Pharma. Maybe spend some time thinking about the kind of work that has made you happy in the past? If you do decide to transition careers you will have to be patient again. Learning a new skill set takes time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm peds. I knew very early on in residency that I didn't love being a clinician. I am currently doing a second residency in Preventive Medicine and Public Health. I got my MPH and hoping it will open many more doors in health care that are not clinical. The main reason I did Prev Med is because like you I felt like I was underqualified for non clinical jobs since I only had peds clinical experience. I'm looking at jobs in tech, pharma, health departments, and many more! There are several physician mom groups on facebook for non clinical careers and side gigs that you can join if you haven't yet either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any particular groups you'd recommend? (I guess I'd have to reactivate my Facebook account!) I considered preventive medicine straight from med school and not sure what stopped me. Sigh.

      Delete
  3. Pathology is virtually non-clinical. I love it. I have had a lot of friends leave medicine everything from working for government evaluating for disability leaves and medical consulting to interior decorating to working in admin at hospitals or for insurance companies. Good luck. Find something that makes you happy - life is too short to be miserable.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Is it that you don't like clinical child psych medicine or is it actually the model you practice within? Because if you think the model or particular patients are the cause, you could also consider starting your own concierge or direct primary (psych) care model. Then you could call your own shots and still do the field of medicine you enjoy the most? It's risky of course, but I think it's so important to think outside the box and make your life what you want it to be!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not sure if it's the model I'm in or the field itself. I really think it's patient care. I have been considering stepping away from the employed model to at least try a private practice to see if having a bit of entrepreneurship satisfies me enough to continue. You're right, I really should look into that now instead of waiting to be even more miserable.

      Delete
  5. I left clinical practice entirely to be a homeschooling/SAHM and I love it. Financially it was a wash compared to working PT IM and paying taxes and childcare for then-3, now-4 kids.

    I came to a similar realization that medicine was a fine job for me before I had kids - I didn’t hate it, but I always knew I didn’t love it as much as many do - but it became intolerable for me when I so much wished to be elsewhere. I prefer reading Charlotte’s Web and baking muffins to seeing patients, and if the price for that is that I have to mop my own kitchen floor, I consider that a small price to pay.

    Reconsider Facebook. I rarely use my main feed, but there are many helpful groups, including a large and supportive SAHMD group where people have a range of experiences from working none to various PT strategies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right I should check out Facebook. Thanks.

      I am always hopeful when I hear stories like yours, that it is possible to stop, (and btw, I have been mopping my own floors always, and still do, so that won't be much of a change) but besides financially, I am psychologically married to medicine. I keep thinking of all of the people who would be disappointed in my decision to quit, and it's tough. But I am a psychiatrist and I know better than to let others dictate my life and future. It is just hard to make the steps.

      Thank you.

      Delete
  6. This is so challenging and something that many struggle with. I work part time in primary care and feel I've found a good balance of time at home with my kids, clinical work and my own personal passion/alternative vocation (I'm writing a book, publishing essays) but I'm still figuring it all out too. And the financial/practical side is so difficult given the amount of time and money we've all put into our training. I think it looks different for everyone. Since you said you disliked much of your medical training throughout, it may be that you look for a different way of using your MD but in a field you're more passionate about (business, advocacy, journalism, education, etc.) Maybe start with taking a class or joining a group in that field? Good luck! I hope you continue to share your journey as well.

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts older than 14 days are moderated as a spam precaution. So.Much.Spam.