Hello MiM!
I am a mom of two kids - one in school, one starting next year - currently in university in and applying to medical schools in Canada. MiM has been an inspiration since I started working towards a career in medicine, and I am thankful for all the stories that have been shared here.
To get right to the heart of the matter, I am pregnant with our third child and due in late August. I'll likely be delivered 1-2weeks early due to my history, so by the start date of the med schools Kid 3 will only be a few weeks old.
Acceptances come out in the spring, and I need to decide (if I get in!) whether to defer for a year or whether to start med school with an infant just a few weeks old at home, which will also have meant a big move while 7-8 months pregnant. I would imagine, in the circumstances, I could likely get permission to do the first few weeks' work from home, something I have heard of med schools allowing before.
My husband will be taking eight months parental leave for Kid 3 in addition to any leave I take, so we won't have to deal with putting a tiny infant in daycare and I will have help at home during that transition time.
I am hoping to hear from MiMs who have experience with having babies during first year. I have a few months to mull over my options, and if I don't get any acceptances it won't be necessary to worry, but ultimately I would prefer not to take an entire year off from my education if I could be okay with just taking a few weeks at the start of the year.
Your input is much appreciated!
Thank you,
MiM in Canada
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ReplyDeleteI would defer the year! Although my situation was a little different than yours, I started off internship pregnant with my 1st baby and delivered 3 months later. It was extremely stressful adjusting to residency AND motherhood at the same time. I know med school is different, and your husband will be home (mine was working still), but I can only imagine that this will still be a difficult period for you. Think about it: being sleep deprived from baby, trying to pump (if that's your choice), and trying to take care of your other kids ALL while trying to attend classes and study! It's difficult starting med school AND it's difficult becoming a 3rd-time mom ... now combine the two! Perfect storm. Plus, your 2 other kids will be adjusting to the new baby and may need you and your husband to both be available. I would take the year off if you can, then start med school when the adjustment period is heading to a close. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI'd do whatever it takes to start on time. I'm an MS4 with a 3 year old at a US med school but my impression is that Canadian schools are similar in that first 2 years are classroom based and there's a lot of flexibility built in if you're trying to pump or balance child care. You already have a good idea of what it's like to have a newborn and balance studying and what kind of support you'll need so set this up in advance. Also, your grades in first 2 years matter very little (so long as you pass) in terms of things residency cares about.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sophia - from a practical front, with hubby at home and two older children in school, starting straight away is very doable. One partner at home, one at work, a setup seen the world over.
ReplyDeleteI think though the bigger question for me is not the practicality, the study or the juggle. All of that is possible and manageable if you are committed to what you are doing, and believe it's the best for you and yours. For me, it's the heart. I took a year off after each baby and only returned to work part time, until last year (mine are now 9 and 12). Even though I did it that way, I still found it very difficult, as I wanted to be with my toddler/preschooler/primary school child more. So it was never the practical issues that confronted me, it was my own heart and values.
You have two older children, so have been through all of this already. That should give you a good guide to whether you will struggle with being away from a newborn or not, and whether you can use sleep times and night times to study. Don't worry about the practical - worry about the heart. If you know your heart will be ok, go ahead!
Best of luck - you'll work it out. There is no one right path. If you choose to defer, you'll have a wonderful year with your newborn that you'll never regret. If you choose to go ahead, you'll enjoy your studies and be glad you didn't wait. Choose the path that fits your heart best and the rest will follow.
Sorry for sounding all Oracle about it all - best of luck.
I'd say it depends on the baby, and you won't know that until you meet the baby, whcih makes it difficult. It's true that grades don't matter much in the first two years. I think it also depends on your academic background, to some degree. I was an English major in college - I was premed and took all the required premed courses, but no other science. I had never had an anatomy course or a biochem course. Anatomy is completely different from any other subject I've ever studied because it's three-dimensional, which seems obvious but took me by surprise and was very hard to get used to. If the first-year courses will be familiar to you, then it will be much more doable with a new baby than if it's all going to be new and different.
ReplyDeleteIs there a parenting group or women's group in the school that you could connect with?
You are getting both extremes of advice. So it's going to be a judgment call. I have to say with a one 10-month-old the first few months of med school were pretty rough because we do intensive anatomy to start. That's not something you can do from home - you need to be in the lab to learn. So it may depend on the schedule of the school you get into/choose. My friend started with a month of biochem, etc. That could be more doable (depending on your science background). But in general the first two years of school have been reasonably flexible with a kid. So overall - anatomy aside - it's doable with one kid. I don't know about three!
ReplyDeleteYour husband being home for 8 months - assuming he really can handle a newborn and really be a help - and assuming you can let go enough to let him make decisions differently from what you would - then sure, it's doable. But that's a big self-assesemnt you need to do. Some women can't let go and want to make every decision. Know yourself!
Let us know what you decide, and good luck! I will just add that as an older student I understand the 'rush'. Plus you are embarking on something new and exciting. On the other hand, as an older student you can also take a step back and have some perspective. School needs to fit your life for you to be successful at it. We will all get where we are going eventually. So I wouldn't let the 'rush' feeling dictate your decision.
I just read your comment and I'm wondering if you don't mind sharing how much older you are than the traditional medical student. I'm 33 and seriously considering a career change. I'd have to do pre-reqs first. So I would be 35 or 36 if/when I start. Is that way too old?
DeleteI was almost 41 when I started my first year of school (I'm MS2 now). I wasn't even the oldest in my class, though I did pick a school that values life experience and gives more weight to people with career changes. I say go for it!
DeleteThanks for the replies, Larissa! How did you find out which schools give more weight to people with career changes?? Is there a resource that lists those schools?
DeleteOne of the things you can look at is the average age of students attending the school - if it is 24, then you are going to be an outlier. I think my school's average was 27. At some point, I also found a document that had actual ages of admitted students and was able to compare a couple of schools specifically. I think that was an AMCAS document but I don't recall. Check out the MSAR descriptions for each school you are interested in and don't be afraid to ask admissions people about the age ranges of their matriculants. A person with some life under them has a lot ot offer medicine - their colleagues, classmates and patients. Find a school that values what you are bringing!
DeleteMel, it's never too old. We had a 40-something year old lady in my class. Will the physical challenges of med school and residency be harder for you? Yes. But absolutely doable and worth it if it's truly what you want.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the encouragement. I have so much fear that I'm working through right now. We'll see where I end up. I have two little kids, and I'm also a nurse and an attorney. So it would be a major career change for me. But I can't shake the thought that I messed up to begin with, and I regret not going to medical school straight out of undergrad. I'm most fearful of doing all the pre-reqs (which I have to take nearly all of, since I took AP tests in high school for many of the pre-reqs, and from what I understand medical schools don't like AP credit) and then not getting in after doing all that work. I feel silly that the pre-reqs seem most daunting. I'm also scared that med schools will laugh in my face when they see my non-traditional path.
DeleteBut again, thank you for your words. They mean a lot to me.
Your non-traditional path is not as unusual as you think! Several of my classmates (maybe 25% of my class) tried other careers first, including teaching, engineering, nursing, law, EMT'ing, and other things. Don't let that be the deterrent for you!
DeleteHey Mel - I am just about the same age as you. And I have a classmate who is older than me and an attorney. I have a classmate who is 41 with a PhD. … There are a good number over 30 in my class, several with kids. So it can be done. Given that you've career changed before, I'd just make sure you are not dealing with some other issue (untreated depression, marriage issues, I don't know - just something else) that you are treating with a career change. Medical school and this career path makes other life things harder, not easier! I don't know you - and I know a lot of wonderful career changing older medical students, I'm certainly not saying this is true of you - but I think all the self-assesment you can do now will benefit you later. And then good luck and go get 'em.
DeleteI love this advice -- thank you so much for your thoughts. I never thought of it like that, but it makes sense to really dig deep and figure out why I'm desiring medical school.
DeleteDid you have to take pre-reqs after you finished college? I just don't want pre-reqs to keep me from applying, but at this point, they're my main obstacle.
Thanks again!
One of those other older non-trads in my class was an ICU nurse!
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