I have a confession to make. It's a secret that I keep for as long as I possibly can from people that I meet, and I feel dread in the pit of my stomach at the thought of a new potential friend discovering my secret. But I trust all of you, so I will share with you my deep dark secret. Here it goes…
I am a doctor.
Try not to all gasp in shock at once. Yes, it's true. Maybe it's just my imagination, but it feels like my occupation is something of a friend repellent. A lot of other mothers that I meet are stay at home parents or work very part time from home, and I feel like they get flustered when I mention that I'm a doctor. One woman weirdly started talking about how much money she made.
Don't get me wrong. Potential friends are not the only people I keep my secret from. When I go to the doctor, either my own doctor or at the pediatricians office, I try not to let it slip that I'm a doctor. That way I can ask stupid questions in peace.
So am I the only weirdo who is embarrassed about my career sometimes?
I hear ya! I almost never offer up my profession unless some one asks directly. The most common reaction I get when I tell people is "But you're so young! I can't believe you're a doctor!". I guess it's sort of a compliment that I will one day miss, but I prefer not to have that awkward interaction all the time.
ReplyDeleteThe other one that gets me is when I allude to the fact that I work at a hospital, most people automatically assume I'm a nurse. I have the utmost respect for the nursing profession, and do not take it as an insult. It's more of a reminder of our sexist biases that assume that a woman is a nurse and not a doctor.
I tell almost no one unless directly asked. And usually my first response is "I work at the hospital". I am very proud to be doctor and will talk about it with anyone once it is known. Most of the time, I get either weird medical questions (no thank you) or get weirder responses like men trying to show me that they are smarter or women trying to prove they are a better mother or other weirdness.
ReplyDeleteI'm a *first year* medical student and people have sometimes asked me medical questions when they've learned that. I'm solidly at the point in my training where I'm still supposed to be an idiot; why are they asking me?!
DeleteI am a doc and hubby is a lawyer. We rock climb, and there are lots of different types of people who do it - professionals to dirtbags. When we meet lots of people of varying backgrounds we usually we also are pretty quiet about what we do.
ReplyDeleteIn medical school, I definitely didn't openly state the fact that I was becoming a doctor. But now that I'm a psychiatrist, I do say it straight out--mostly to see people's reactions! It's usually a horrified face, and gives me a chuckle inside!
ReplyDeleteWhat HulaMed and EMMomma said, exactly
ReplyDeleteI TOTALLY relate to this. I still tend to feel awkward when I'm asked what I do. I'm thankful that the majority of moms I interact with also work, and many have senior positions doing whatever they do.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. This could have been me writing this post. I have had so many negative encounters after announcing that I am an MD that it almost never comes up unless I am well invested in the friendship.
ReplyDeleteIn my 20s and early 30s I never told people what I did unless I was directly asked. I so clearly remember the man at a party who literally stepped away from me - took two steps backward - when I answered his question. By the time my daughter was born I was 39 and we'd been part of our community for 10 years, so a lot of people already knew; I still kept my mouth shut around other moms at first. Now I'm 55 and I don't care what anyone thinks - but I also have a strong friend network so it's OK if I scare people off. It's a real challenge.
ReplyDeleteAmen to the asking stupid questions in peace! I know nothing about peds (or OB, or Fam Med...)! My daughters pedi knows I'm a doctor but I always make it clear that I would like to bask in my ignorance and ask dumb, pyscho mom questions like all the other parents!!
ReplyDeleteAll of the above. MOST annoying for me is people who assume that we have financial stability or even that we are somehow rich when they find out I am a doc- I'm a military doc, I had three babies in my training, paid for it myself (i.e. DEBT), and a stay-at-home Dad hubby for seven years. Financial stress, budgeting, and saying no to many expenditures is part of our life, and that is one of the main reasons I try to keep my profession on the down low - the blatant "oh, you can afford it, you're a doctor" to the presumption that I will pay for the meal, the coffee, whatever.... drives me crazy. Not that I don't want to be generous sometimes - I do and I am. Hopefully you all get what I'm saying.
ReplyDeleteNext week I start a parent's group for parents of children with autism. It's a four week session that is supposed to teach us ABA skills to apply at home. I know NOTHING about ABA or how to "do it" to my own child.... and I don't know how I'll define myself during the intro session. I don't think I want to identify as a doctor. Ideas welcome, please!
When I go to the barber, I tell them I'm a respiratory therapist.
ReplyDelete