I was just having this conversation with some work colleagues so I thought you might want to throw in your answers:
What were your children's first words?
My two kids' were:
"Bye bye"
And, more heart-achingly, "Mama."
Showing posts with label fizzy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fizzy. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Taking Advantage
I've talked about how flexibility is really important for a female physician with young kids, and fortunately, it seems like more jobs are willing to provide it. However, I feel like if you're granted this flexibility, you have to be extra careful not to take advantage.
I don't work with anyone now who I feel takes advantage of this flexibility. But I've seen it in the past and I've heard a lot of stories. For example:
--Calling in sick excessively... like, every Friday
--Leaving early frequently if that's not part of your schedule
--Using your kids as an excuse to get out of just about everything
I'd like to think most women are responsible enough not to do this, but I'm not so sure. What do you think?
I don't work with anyone now who I feel takes advantage of this flexibility. But I've seen it in the past and I've heard a lot of stories. For example:
--Calling in sick excessively... like, every Friday
--Leaving early frequently if that's not part of your schedule
--Using your kids as an excuse to get out of just about everything
I'd like to think most women are responsible enough not to do this, but I'm not so sure. What do you think?
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Bibliophile
Now that my baby is a little older, I've gotten back into the habit of reading chapter books to my oldest before she goes to sleep.
I started off by reading her books I loved from my childhood, like The Twits or Wayside Stories. But then I realized it's more fun if I haven't read the book and I'm curious to know what happens too.
Recently we finished Matilda, which I never read as a child. Loved it! We tried the Ramona series, but we both got bored on book one. Now we're reading a series called Judy Moody that's a little cheesy but Mel really likes it. Plus the whole series is available free on the Kindle library.
What do you read to your kids?
I started off by reading her books I loved from my childhood, like The Twits or Wayside Stories. But then I realized it's more fun if I haven't read the book and I'm curious to know what happens too.
Recently we finished Matilda, which I never read as a child. Loved it! We tried the Ramona series, but we both got bored on book one. Now we're reading a series called Judy Moody that's a little cheesy but Mel really likes it. Plus the whole series is available free on the Kindle library.
What do you read to your kids?
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
How many kids?
I read an article today about having a single child household by choice. Apparently, every child you have adds 120 hours of housework yearly.
I had a second child because of the unselfish reason that I think siblings are important, and the selfish reason that I wanted to experience those early childhood years a second time. I don't want a third for the totally selfish reason that it would just be too much work for me. I long for a time when I can sleep as late as I want on weekends.
What are your reasons for having one or more than one child?
I had a second child because of the unselfish reason that I think siblings are important, and the selfish reason that I wanted to experience those early childhood years a second time. I don't want a third for the totally selfish reason that it would just be too much work for me. I long for a time when I can sleep as late as I want on weekends.
What are your reasons for having one or more than one child?
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
My Holey Life
I desperately need to go shopping.
I am a physician, a professional, a role model, etc. Yet this is what the sole of my shoe looks like:
This is my underwear:
The cuff of my pants:
My socks:
(In my defense, those socks are only about a year old. I think our dryer eats clothing.)
And just in case you had any doubts in your mind that I am about as far from perfect as you can get, here's a photo of my child on a leash:
No, you can't pet her. But thanks for asking.
I am a physician, a professional, a role model, etc. Yet this is what the sole of my shoe looks like:
This is my underwear:
The cuff of my pants:
My socks:
(In my defense, those socks are only about a year old. I think our dryer eats clothing.)
And just in case you had any doubts in your mind that I am about as far from perfect as you can get, here's a photo of my child on a leash:
No, you can't pet her. But thanks for asking.
Friday, April 19, 2013
I am getting old....
Last weekend, I took little Mel to a carnival, and BOY did that make me feel old.
I bought an armband to get unlimited rides because, hey, it's a carnival. About sixty seconds after buying the armband, I deeply regretted this decision. I think it was when I watched the passengers on one of the rides careening over my head and I almost threw up. I almost threw up just from watching the ride.
The first ride Mel and I went on was the ferris wheel. That seemed like a safe bet. It just went up and down, no spinning, no turning, nobody on the ride was screaming. But as it turns out, I'm now afraid of heights. When did that happen?
I wanted to keep my feet on the ground after that, so Mel convinced me to go with her into this funhouse. It was very much like this funhouse. However, unlike Olivia Newton-John, I almost killed myself trying to get through the rotating circle. Believe me, there was nothing sexy about my attempts to get through that stupid funhouse. Every time there was a spinning or rotating thing that I could avoid, I tried to do so. And the funhouse ended with a slide. Let's just say that I can't go down a slide anymore without spraining some muscle beginning with "gluteus."
As soon as she got out, Mel said she wanted to go again. I suggested she go herself. And the time after that too.
Next we got to a ride that was called "Optical Illusion." I figured, how bad could this be? It's just an optical illusion! When I got inside, it was just a single stationary walkway where the walls had spinning dots. But nothing was actually moving. Except the second I stepped into the walkway, it literally felt like the universe was rotating. I almost collapsed. I came running out the entrance, saying I couldn't go through with it.
After that, I mostly let Mel go on rides by herself. I noticed at that point that I was the only adult who was dumb enough to buy an armband.
When it was getting time to leave, I told Mel that I'd go on the Tilt a Whirl, because she'd been begging to go and she was scared to go alone. I was almost having a panic attack while we were waiting for the ride, but I kept telling myself it would be okay. Sure enough when we got on the ride, it was a lot of fun. But the second I got off the ride, I wanted to DIE. I was dizzy, nauseous, and I had a splitting headache.
Best of all, Mel still had tons of energy and wanted to ride like ten more things before we left.
I don't get it. When I was a kid, I used to LOVE all those rides. Tilt a Whirl was my favorite! What happened to me??? When did my brain decide that spinning and whirling isn't fun anymore?
I bought an armband to get unlimited rides because, hey, it's a carnival. About sixty seconds after buying the armband, I deeply regretted this decision. I think it was when I watched the passengers on one of the rides careening over my head and I almost threw up. I almost threw up just from watching the ride.
The first ride Mel and I went on was the ferris wheel. That seemed like a safe bet. It just went up and down, no spinning, no turning, nobody on the ride was screaming. But as it turns out, I'm now afraid of heights. When did that happen?
I wanted to keep my feet on the ground after that, so Mel convinced me to go with her into this funhouse. It was very much like this funhouse. However, unlike Olivia Newton-John, I almost killed myself trying to get through the rotating circle. Believe me, there was nothing sexy about my attempts to get through that stupid funhouse. Every time there was a spinning or rotating thing that I could avoid, I tried to do so. And the funhouse ended with a slide. Let's just say that I can't go down a slide anymore without spraining some muscle beginning with "gluteus."
As soon as she got out, Mel said she wanted to go again. I suggested she go herself. And the time after that too.
Next we got to a ride that was called "Optical Illusion." I figured, how bad could this be? It's just an optical illusion! When I got inside, it was just a single stationary walkway where the walls had spinning dots. But nothing was actually moving. Except the second I stepped into the walkway, it literally felt like the universe was rotating. I almost collapsed. I came running out the entrance, saying I couldn't go through with it.
After that, I mostly let Mel go on rides by herself. I noticed at that point that I was the only adult who was dumb enough to buy an armband.
When it was getting time to leave, I told Mel that I'd go on the Tilt a Whirl, because she'd been begging to go and she was scared to go alone. I was almost having a panic attack while we were waiting for the ride, but I kept telling myself it would be okay. Sure enough when we got on the ride, it was a lot of fun. But the second I got off the ride, I wanted to DIE. I was dizzy, nauseous, and I had a splitting headache.
Best of all, Mel still had tons of energy and wanted to ride like ten more things before we left.
I don't get it. When I was a kid, I used to LOVE all those rides. Tilt a Whirl was my favorite! What happened to me??? When did my brain decide that spinning and whirling isn't fun anymore?
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Part-time Residency
Apparently, some residency programs lately, notably in pediatrics, have been offering the opportunity to do residency part-time. According to a Newsweek story, about a quarter of pediatrics programs nationally offer this option. It sounds like the programs may offer reduced call schedule and months off, all with a prorated salary.
If anyone who has done a part-time residency wants to weigh in on this option and what it's been like for you, then that would be great. But according to the article, hardly anyone does it.
Considering a lot of pediatrics residents have children during residency and then choose to work part-time after graduation, it seems like this would be an option more people would choose. Granted, it does extend residency about about 15 months and who wants to be a resident for an extra year? Still, what's an extra year, really?
The article hypothesizes that women don't choose this option because they want to be taken seriously. We don't want to be labeled as the part-timer and have that follow us our entire career. I've noticed a general theme in medicine that women often don't want to be granted exceptions because we want to be equals. Yet.... do we wanted to be treated as equals? Yes, we want to be treated with an equal amount of respect, but I personally feel like we're not equal. So I'm not sure if I want to be treated just like a man.
If there had been a part-time option in my residency, I don't think I would have taken it. It probably depends what it would have entailed. We didn't have a heavy call schedule and the days weren't long, so the only thing they could have offered me would have been blocks of time off, and I'm not sure how much that would have helped me.
If anyone who has done a part-time residency wants to weigh in on this option and what it's been like for you, then that would be great. But according to the article, hardly anyone does it.
Considering a lot of pediatrics residents have children during residency and then choose to work part-time after graduation, it seems like this would be an option more people would choose. Granted, it does extend residency about about 15 months and who wants to be a resident for an extra year? Still, what's an extra year, really?
The article hypothesizes that women don't choose this option because they want to be taken seriously. We don't want to be labeled as the part-timer and have that follow us our entire career. I've noticed a general theme in medicine that women often don't want to be granted exceptions because we want to be equals. Yet.... do we wanted to be treated as equals? Yes, we want to be treated with an equal amount of respect, but I personally feel like we're not equal. So I'm not sure if I want to be treated just like a man.
If there had been a part-time option in my residency, I don't think I would have taken it. It probably depends what it would have entailed. We didn't have a heavy call schedule and the days weren't long, so the only thing they could have offered me would have been blocks of time off, and I'm not sure how much that would have helped me.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Need a vacation?
Last year, I took a couple of weeks off in the summer to go visit my parents.
It was miserable. Two of my family members because very sick, one necessitating a 2AM trip to the ER, another resulting in an urgent doctor's visit that I had to pay for out of pocket. I probably got an hour of sleep the whole trip. My husband and I fought on the drive in both directions. And when I got back, the work that had piled up in my absence was overwhelming.
This year, I refuse to go.
I've been thinking about taking two half-weeks off, so I won't return to such an overwhelming load. But at the same time, I wonder if human beings need a longer vacation?
Like, will I get completely burned out if I go over a year without taking a straight week off? And what about my kids? Do they need a week off as well? Are a few days here and there enough?
It was miserable. Two of my family members because very sick, one necessitating a 2AM trip to the ER, another resulting in an urgent doctor's visit that I had to pay for out of pocket. I probably got an hour of sleep the whole trip. My husband and I fought on the drive in both directions. And when I got back, the work that had piled up in my absence was overwhelming.
This year, I refuse to go.
I've been thinking about taking two half-weeks off, so I won't return to such an overwhelming load. But at the same time, I wonder if human beings need a longer vacation?
Like, will I get completely burned out if I go over a year without taking a straight week off? And what about my kids? Do they need a week off as well? Are a few days here and there enough?
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Birthday FAIL
It's my older daughter's birthday tomorrow.
At her daycare, they do a little party for them during snacktime at 3PM. I bring in cake in the morning and everyone sings, and if you're the mom watching, you get little tears in your eyes.
Last year, I happened to have the day off, so I went to the party and then brought Mel home afterwards. This year, it didn't work out that way, but I was still hoping to go to the party. I work pretty close to the daycare, so I could have easily slipped out, gone to the party, and then gone back to work. But I know from prior experience that if I show up at daycare, Mel will not let me leave without her. I don't want to make her cry on her birthday.
After much internal debate, I finally asked my boss if it would be all right if I brought Mel to work with me for a couple of hours, and she'd be totally quiet and good. "Oh God, don't bring her to work," my boss said. "Just go home after the party. It's okay." (My boss is a sweetie.)
So I was all set, or so I thought. But then several things happened, including that my census of patients exploded and I can't reduce my list without begging other people to see my patients, which I really hate to do, especially considering Friday is generally a busy day. I also stupidly scheduled a doctor's appointment for today, which means I can't stay late today either.
And then I got a call from the scheduler for my clinic, asking if I could add on a couple of extra patients for Friday.
I am beginning to feel like I am doing too much to make it to this party. I am calling in favors, inconveniencing other people, canceling appointments, all just to make a 15 minute party. She probably won't care if I'm there anyway and we're having a regular birthday party on the weekend. I should just accept that it isn't going to happen.
But then I think to myself: this is WHY I took a flexible job, so that I wouldn't miss special moments like this. If being there for my daughter's birthday party isn't high priority for me, then I feel like my priorities are screwed up.
It's hard being a working mom.
At her daycare, they do a little party for them during snacktime at 3PM. I bring in cake in the morning and everyone sings, and if you're the mom watching, you get little tears in your eyes.
Last year, I happened to have the day off, so I went to the party and then brought Mel home afterwards. This year, it didn't work out that way, but I was still hoping to go to the party. I work pretty close to the daycare, so I could have easily slipped out, gone to the party, and then gone back to work. But I know from prior experience that if I show up at daycare, Mel will not let me leave without her. I don't want to make her cry on her birthday.
After much internal debate, I finally asked my boss if it would be all right if I brought Mel to work with me for a couple of hours, and she'd be totally quiet and good. "Oh God, don't bring her to work," my boss said. "Just go home after the party. It's okay." (My boss is a sweetie.)
So I was all set, or so I thought. But then several things happened, including that my census of patients exploded and I can't reduce my list without begging other people to see my patients, which I really hate to do, especially considering Friday is generally a busy day. I also stupidly scheduled a doctor's appointment for today, which means I can't stay late today either.
And then I got a call from the scheduler for my clinic, asking if I could add on a couple of extra patients for Friday.
I am beginning to feel like I am doing too much to make it to this party. I am calling in favors, inconveniencing other people, canceling appointments, all just to make a 15 minute party. She probably won't care if I'm there anyway and we're having a regular birthday party on the weekend. I should just accept that it isn't going to happen.
But then I think to myself: this is WHY I took a flexible job, so that I wouldn't miss special moments like this. If being there for my daughter's birthday party isn't high priority for me, then I feel like my priorities are screwed up.
It's hard being a working mom.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Oh my god....
Yesterday, I collected a receipt from our daycare for tax purposes. In the past, I've always gotten the receipts on a month by month basis, but this time they had a receipt for the entirety of 2012. My husband and I couldn't stop staring at the number on the receipt:
$39,000
Spent on daycare. Before we pay our rent, before we buy even a single frozen chicken nugget. Just for daycare.
Wow.
$39,000
Spent on daycare. Before we pay our rent, before we buy even a single frozen chicken nugget. Just for daycare.
Wow.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Mom's Group
Back when I was on my last maternity leave, forever ago, I joined a local Mom's playgroup.
At the time, it was sort of fun. We met up on the long boring weekdays and chatted. (We never ate, for some reason. We'd have these playgroups going from 10AM to 2PM and god forbid anyone would ever suggest having lunch. Mothers don't consume food, right?)
Eventually, I went back to work. And that was it for the playgroup and my playgroup friends.
I still get emails about the playgroups. They're always on weekdays, and even if I happen to have the day off, I'm usually playing catch-up on errands. And whenever I suggest doing something on a weekend, everyone tells me that's family time.
I think this is why working moms and stay-at-home moms can't really be friends, not because we have nothing in common. SAHMs want to fill their weekdays with activities, whereas on weekdays, working moms are either working or too exhausted to contemplate going out.
Still, it makes me sad every time I see those playgroup emails.
At the time, it was sort of fun. We met up on the long boring weekdays and chatted. (We never ate, for some reason. We'd have these playgroups going from 10AM to 2PM and god forbid anyone would ever suggest having lunch. Mothers don't consume food, right?)
Eventually, I went back to work. And that was it for the playgroup and my playgroup friends.
I still get emails about the playgroups. They're always on weekdays, and even if I happen to have the day off, I'm usually playing catch-up on errands. And whenever I suggest doing something on a weekend, everyone tells me that's family time.
I think this is why working moms and stay-at-home moms can't really be friends, not because we have nothing in common. SAHMs want to fill their weekdays with activities, whereas on weekdays, working moms are either working or too exhausted to contemplate going out.
Still, it makes me sad every time I see those playgroup emails.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Part-time
I work part-time.
Some people think that women who work part-time are ruining medicine and contributing to the physician shortage. So I want to present my very reasonable list of reasons why I work part-time in a flexible job:
1) I am sick constantly. Constantly. My kids are Petri dishes. And it always lasts forever. Even as I'm writing this, I'm coughing and my left ear really hurts and keeps popping. Is it easy to work under these circumstances? Not particularly. Maybe mothers of small kids who work full time have better immunity than me. Or maybe they're just better at working while very sick.
2) I don't have family members who can quickly cover for me in a pinch. Like when the daycare calls, saying my daughter has conjunctivitis and must be picked up NOW NOW NOW. (Literally, I am required to show up within an hour. OR ELSE.) Ideally, I would have a babysitter who waits by their phone, constantly on call for just this situation. Do those exist?
3) If the workday "ends" at 4PM, that's the only way to guarantee making it to the daycare by 6:30PM. I have no back-up if I can't make it.
4) I kind of like having two days off to recover from the week. It's called a weekend. It probably seems crazy luxurious to you, but believe it or not, it's actually sort of normal to most people.
5) When I feel like I'm rushing around and getting pulled in too many directions and expected to do three different jobs at once, I actually get kind of stressed out. And depressed. I don't like feeling that way.
6) There are things I enjoy doing that don't involve medicine OR my kids. And if I work part-time, I get to actually very occasionally do some of them. It's important to me. I feel guilty saying it, but it's true.
7) When I am really stressed out, I am not super pleasant to be around. I start screaming at the top of my lungs and then burst into tears because my daughter won't put her sneakers on in the morning. I'm sure I have inferior stress-compensation (likely genetic) compared to full-timers, but I just hate being like that.
8) I have trouble with night call. I never liked it, but at some point, between waking up for my baby's cries and waking up to a beeping pager, my sleep became very dysfunctional and a major source of stress. I've seen professions to address it, and it's better, but I can't deal with working at night.
9) I don't have the physical stamina you do, apparently. After working a very busy 10 hour day, I am too tired to play with my kids. I was never a high energy person. Somehow, I didn't realize how important this was when I went into medicine. I wish I had the energy, but I simply don't.
10) I am not a Type A personality. I just can't do it all at once. And if I tried, I wouldn't do it well. Does that mean I shouldn't be a doctor?
Trust me, I feel guilty that I can't work the hours some physicians work. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, that I can't seem to juggle the same number of balls as some other women. But I have found a balance of career and family life that seems to work for me.
I'm sorry I'm ruining medicine.
Some people think that women who work part-time are ruining medicine and contributing to the physician shortage. So I want to present my very reasonable list of reasons why I work part-time in a flexible job:
1) I am sick constantly. Constantly. My kids are Petri dishes. And it always lasts forever. Even as I'm writing this, I'm coughing and my left ear really hurts and keeps popping. Is it easy to work under these circumstances? Not particularly. Maybe mothers of small kids who work full time have better immunity than me. Or maybe they're just better at working while very sick.
2) I don't have family members who can quickly cover for me in a pinch. Like when the daycare calls, saying my daughter has conjunctivitis and must be picked up NOW NOW NOW. (Literally, I am required to show up within an hour. OR ELSE.) Ideally, I would have a babysitter who waits by their phone, constantly on call for just this situation. Do those exist?
3) If the workday "ends" at 4PM, that's the only way to guarantee making it to the daycare by 6:30PM. I have no back-up if I can't make it.
4) I kind of like having two days off to recover from the week. It's called a weekend. It probably seems crazy luxurious to you, but believe it or not, it's actually sort of normal to most people.
5) When I feel like I'm rushing around and getting pulled in too many directions and expected to do three different jobs at once, I actually get kind of stressed out. And depressed. I don't like feeling that way.
6) There are things I enjoy doing that don't involve medicine OR my kids. And if I work part-time, I get to actually very occasionally do some of them. It's important to me. I feel guilty saying it, but it's true.
7) When I am really stressed out, I am not super pleasant to be around. I start screaming at the top of my lungs and then burst into tears because my daughter won't put her sneakers on in the morning. I'm sure I have inferior stress-compensation (likely genetic) compared to full-timers, but I just hate being like that.
8) I have trouble with night call. I never liked it, but at some point, between waking up for my baby's cries and waking up to a beeping pager, my sleep became very dysfunctional and a major source of stress. I've seen professions to address it, and it's better, but I can't deal with working at night.
9) I don't have the physical stamina you do, apparently. After working a very busy 10 hour day, I am too tired to play with my kids. I was never a high energy person. Somehow, I didn't realize how important this was when I went into medicine. I wish I had the energy, but I simply don't.
10) I am not a Type A personality. I just can't do it all at once. And if I tried, I wouldn't do it well. Does that mean I shouldn't be a doctor?
Trust me, I feel guilty that I can't work the hours some physicians work. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, that I can't seem to juggle the same number of balls as some other women. But I have found a balance of career and family life that seems to work for me.
I'm sorry I'm ruining medicine.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
What do you do???
OK, hypothetical situation:
The daycare calls you at 10AM while you are at work, and tells you that your one-year-old has conjunctivitis and MUST be picked up "within the hour."
What do you do?
Clearly this is a situation that comes up with some frequency (five times for me so far) and I'm very curious how other mothers in medicine (and other professionals) deal with it....
The daycare calls you at 10AM while you are at work, and tells you that your one-year-old has conjunctivitis and MUST be picked up "within the hour."
What do you do?
Clearly this is a situation that comes up with some frequency (five times for me so far) and I'm very curious how other mothers in medicine (and other professionals) deal with it....
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Older Parenthood: Upending American Society?
I was at a meeting recently with several female physicians and young therapists. We were discussing a patient who was 45 years old and had a six year old son. One of the therapists commented:
"So that means she was.... 39 when she had a baby. That's so.... old!"
Crickets chirped. Almost every physician in that room had children at 39 or older.
On Facebook this morning, one of my friends posted an article about how families are having children at older ages and the consequences of this decision.
In case you don't to read the article, these are its main points:
1) The chances of learning disabilities as well as certain other problems such as schizophrenia and autism increase severalfold in older parents.
2) Women who have their first child at an older age are less likely to have the number of children they wanted ten years earlier.
3) Reproduction becomes more difficult and costly as you age.
4) Having children at an older age means having older grandparents for your kids.
5) Having children at an older age means dying when your kids are younger or at least being more infirm for most of their adulthood.
At the same time, the article also cites that children of older parents grow up in wealthier households, lead more stable lives, and do better in school.
Ultimately, it's a very personal decision, but I know when it comes to motherhood, we are all wracked with guilt about our decisions, and one of the earliest decisions you have as a mother is when to have babies.
"So that means she was.... 39 when she had a baby. That's so.... old!"
Crickets chirped. Almost every physician in that room had children at 39 or older.
On Facebook this morning, one of my friends posted an article about how families are having children at older ages and the consequences of this decision.
In case you don't to read the article, these are its main points:
1) The chances of learning disabilities as well as certain other problems such as schizophrenia and autism increase severalfold in older parents.
2) Women who have their first child at an older age are less likely to have the number of children they wanted ten years earlier.
3) Reproduction becomes more difficult and costly as you age.
4) Having children at an older age means having older grandparents for your kids.
5) Having children at an older age means dying when your kids are younger or at least being more infirm for most of their adulthood.
At the same time, the article also cites that children of older parents grow up in wealthier households, lead more stable lives, and do better in school.
Ultimately, it's a very personal decision, but I know when it comes to motherhood, we are all wracked with guilt about our decisions, and one of the earliest decisions you have as a mother is when to have babies.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Clerkship Preference
In light of my post last week, about people with special considerations (i.e. kids) getting preference for the holidays, I wanted to post this story. A version of this was originally on my personal blog:
During second year of med school, most schools have a lottery to decide on what the third year rotations will be, both the order and where we would have those rotations. There were four main hospitals we rotated through, two of which were nearby and two of which were about an hour and half away.
Prior to our 3rd year clerkship lottery, we voted on special considerations for the clerkship lottery. Basically, students emailed in their special needs, and an email was sent to the class with the anonymous requests and we could vote on them. These were some of the requests I remember:
--A few students who had children asked for all their rotations at one particular hospital so they wouldn't have to move around.
--A couple of students asked for an elective during a certain month so they could get married.
--Two male students asked for an elective month during their wives' due dates
--One student asked for an elective month when his father was having cancer surgery
--One student asked for rotations at a certain location because she only had one car and she carpooled with her husband
Out of our class of 100+ students, 12 anonymously asked for special considerations. Out of the 12, 10 passed through majority class vote. (Notably, the car one didn't pass, the one with kids/births did.) I actually voted yes for all of them, mostly because I felt if they believed it was important enough to get special consideration, they cared about it a lot.
Anyway, the day after we found out which requests passed, one woman in our class sent out the following email:
This is ridiculous! Many of those reasons were absolutely silly. What was the percent of votes needed to pass this anyway? I can't believe the votes passed with those stupid reasons these students gave.
Because for one thing, if your parents are ill, get a visiting nurse, since there is nothing you can do while you are studying anyway. Secondly, all these people that want to take care of their family or assist with their wife's pregnancy or take care of the children or see your children and all that... well, we all have loved ones we would like to see as often as possible, but because we chose such a demanding profession, we simply don't necessarily have that luxury. We just make it work without having to subject our colleagues to it. If it matters so much, have your family member move to where you are or you can commute or hire a baby sitter that can pick your children up from school.
I easily could have said something equally lame, but I sacrificed and let people with more important reasons have their say. But all these crazy reasons, I tell you, is unfair to the class as a whole and it is especially unfair to people that had good reasons but took the initiative to find solutions to their issues.
We generally all thought this particular person was being extremely selfish. What do you think?
During second year of med school, most schools have a lottery to decide on what the third year rotations will be, both the order and where we would have those rotations. There were four main hospitals we rotated through, two of which were nearby and two of which were about an hour and half away.
Prior to our 3rd year clerkship lottery, we voted on special considerations for the clerkship lottery. Basically, students emailed in their special needs, and an email was sent to the class with the anonymous requests and we could vote on them. These were some of the requests I remember:
--A few students who had children asked for all their rotations at one particular hospital so they wouldn't have to move around.
--A couple of students asked for an elective during a certain month so they could get married.
--Two male students asked for an elective month during their wives' due dates
--One student asked for an elective month when his father was having cancer surgery
--One student asked for rotations at a certain location because she only had one car and she carpooled with her husband
Out of our class of 100+ students, 12 anonymously asked for special considerations. Out of the 12, 10 passed through majority class vote. (Notably, the car one didn't pass, the one with kids/births did.) I actually voted yes for all of them, mostly because I felt if they believed it was important enough to get special consideration, they cared about it a lot.
Anyway, the day after we found out which requests passed, one woman in our class sent out the following email:
This is ridiculous! Many of those reasons were absolutely silly. What was the percent of votes needed to pass this anyway? I can't believe the votes passed with those stupid reasons these students gave.
Because for one thing, if your parents are ill, get a visiting nurse, since there is nothing you can do while you are studying anyway. Secondly, all these people that want to take care of their family or assist with their wife's pregnancy or take care of the children or see your children and all that... well, we all have loved ones we would like to see as often as possible, but because we chose such a demanding profession, we simply don't necessarily have that luxury. We just make it work without having to subject our colleagues to it. If it matters so much, have your family member move to where you are or you can commute or hire a baby sitter that can pick your children up from school.
I easily could have said something equally lame, but I sacrificed and let people with more important reasons have their say. But all these crazy reasons, I tell you, is unfair to the class as a whole and it is especially unfair to people that had good reasons but took the initiative to find solutions to their issues.
We generally all thought this particular person was being extremely selfish. What do you think?
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Holiday privileges
Here's a question for the ages:
Should employees with children be given preference in terms of not having to work holidays?
I say yes.
And I say this as someone who will be working on Black Friday. And I worked most holidays during residency without complaining. Before I had kids, I actually offered to work holidays so that other people who had family in the area (I didn't) could be with them. After I had kids, I still worked most holidays without complaining.
The only time I ever asked for preference was when I discovered a couple of weeks before the fact that our daycare was closed for two weeks for the Christmas holidays, and there were just a couple of days when my husband couldn't get out of work, and our usual babysitter was out of town. Basically, I had no options, and my program was super nice about accommodating me, so I appreciated that.
I can see how one might argue against this. After all, just because you don't have kids, it doesn't mean you have no family. And while I agree with this, I do have a few arguments for why I think people with kids should get preference:
1) Schools and daycares are likely closed for holidays and nannies go on vacation, so finding childcare becomes a nightmare. I wouldn't want anyone to put their kids in a potentially unsafe situation just so I could have a holiday off.
2) If a person has school-age children, holidays may be the ONLY time the kids can go on a trip to see family members, since you can't pull them out of school.
3) Holidays are important to everyone, but nobody finds holidays as magical as kids, so I think it's worth it to make it special for them. And they actually probably like seeing their relatives.
Maybe if someone has a big family Christmas event every year that means the world to them and it's a thousand miles away so they have to take off several days to go... well, fine. But frankly, I don't think that many adults feel that way. Most probably appreciate having work as an excuse to get out of the Christmas events.
Personally, I don't care as much, since my husband is usually able to take off days when I can't, and my family is very willing to visit me, rather than vice versa. But I know that's not the situation for everyone.
Should employees with children be given preference in terms of not having to work holidays?
I say yes.
And I say this as someone who will be working on Black Friday. And I worked most holidays during residency without complaining. Before I had kids, I actually offered to work holidays so that other people who had family in the area (I didn't) could be with them. After I had kids, I still worked most holidays without complaining.
The only time I ever asked for preference was when I discovered a couple of weeks before the fact that our daycare was closed for two weeks for the Christmas holidays, and there were just a couple of days when my husband couldn't get out of work, and our usual babysitter was out of town. Basically, I had no options, and my program was super nice about accommodating me, so I appreciated that.
I can see how one might argue against this. After all, just because you don't have kids, it doesn't mean you have no family. And while I agree with this, I do have a few arguments for why I think people with kids should get preference:
1) Schools and daycares are likely closed for holidays and nannies go on vacation, so finding childcare becomes a nightmare. I wouldn't want anyone to put their kids in a potentially unsafe situation just so I could have a holiday off.
2) If a person has school-age children, holidays may be the ONLY time the kids can go on a trip to see family members, since you can't pull them out of school.
3) Holidays are important to everyone, but nobody finds holidays as magical as kids, so I think it's worth it to make it special for them. And they actually probably like seeing their relatives.
Maybe if someone has a big family Christmas event every year that means the world to them and it's a thousand miles away so they have to take off several days to go... well, fine. But frankly, I don't think that many adults feel that way. Most probably appreciate having work as an excuse to get out of the Christmas events.
Personally, I don't care as much, since my husband is usually able to take off days when I can't, and my family is very willing to visit me, rather than vice versa. But I know that's not the situation for everyone.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I Hate the Library
I love to read.
I have ever since I was a kid. Obviously, I don't have as much time to read these days as I used to, but I've read a good number of books this year. I've found if you really like doing something, you can always make time for it.
Back when I was a mother of one, I used to get most of my books from the library. I used to enjoy browsing through the shelves and seeing what appealed to me. Now that I have a toddler, I haven't been able to make time for that, plus I'm terrified of her destroying a library book. So I haven't been to the library in a while.
Last weekend, however, I got bored and decided to take my kids there.
As some of you who read my personal blog know, I have some issues with the library. But since our local library has an entire floor dedicated to kids, I figured that we at least wouldn't get shushed.
When we arrived, my older daughter Mel was thrilled to discover that there was a train set for her to play with (because you don't actually go to the library to look at BOOKS). She started playing with it while I flipped through books with my toddler. I must have turned away for, oh, sixty seconds.... and the entire train set had been dismantled!
Me: "What did you do???"
Mel: "I'm going to rebuild it!"
OK, well, I don't want to stifle her creativity, right? So rebuild away!
Except she wasn't quite done rebuilding by the time she got bored. I think it ended up being more complicated than she thought it would be to fit everything together, and she couldn't do it. She went about ten feet away to the young readers section and started pulling out books.
"I'm going to read these!" she announced.
And of course, my toddler followed her and we all read books together. Yay for encouraging reading!
Except about ten minutes later, a family of three came into the children's area. It was a mom, a dad, and a girl of about three or four. The mom looked at the area where I was sitting with my kids, where we had a few discarded books strewn about (which I was TOTALLY going to pick up when we were done), and says, "Oh my god, what happened here?"
I didn't say anything, just kept reading and focusing on my kids.
Then they go over to the train set, and now the woman is almost screaming, "OH MY GOD, WHAT A MESS! WHAT HAPPENED?!!!"
Then the couple starts discussing what a travesty this is. The dad especially seems really upset that the train set has been dismantled. He actually sits down and starts grumbling to himself while attempting to put it back together. And I hear the mom say loudly to him, "Can you believe this? I'd like to shame her into cleaning it up!"
Now you don't have to believe me, but I was TOTALLY going to make Mel clean it up before we left. I mean, I was still right there. And when I've got two small kids with me all by myself, it's not the easiest thing to not leave a tornado behind you everywhere you go. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't have put that train set back together without both my kids vanishing on me. And to be honest, they didn't even know it was me who made that mess in the first place.
I fully expected them to come up to me eventually and confront me, but apparently, they just wanted to passive aggressively talk about me behind my back. Still, it upset me, so they did their job.
Is it possible for me to bring my kids to the library without some library patron yelling at me and making me feel like never coming back?
I have ever since I was a kid. Obviously, I don't have as much time to read these days as I used to, but I've read a good number of books this year. I've found if you really like doing something, you can always make time for it.
Back when I was a mother of one, I used to get most of my books from the library. I used to enjoy browsing through the shelves and seeing what appealed to me. Now that I have a toddler, I haven't been able to make time for that, plus I'm terrified of her destroying a library book. So I haven't been to the library in a while.
Last weekend, however, I got bored and decided to take my kids there.
As some of you who read my personal blog know, I have some issues with the library. But since our local library has an entire floor dedicated to kids, I figured that we at least wouldn't get shushed.
When we arrived, my older daughter Mel was thrilled to discover that there was a train set for her to play with (because you don't actually go to the library to look at BOOKS). She started playing with it while I flipped through books with my toddler. I must have turned away for, oh, sixty seconds.... and the entire train set had been dismantled!
Me: "What did you do???"
Mel: "I'm going to rebuild it!"
OK, well, I don't want to stifle her creativity, right? So rebuild away!
Except she wasn't quite done rebuilding by the time she got bored. I think it ended up being more complicated than she thought it would be to fit everything together, and she couldn't do it. She went about ten feet away to the young readers section and started pulling out books.
"I'm going to read these!" she announced.
And of course, my toddler followed her and we all read books together. Yay for encouraging reading!
Except about ten minutes later, a family of three came into the children's area. It was a mom, a dad, and a girl of about three or four. The mom looked at the area where I was sitting with my kids, where we had a few discarded books strewn about (which I was TOTALLY going to pick up when we were done), and says, "Oh my god, what happened here?"
I didn't say anything, just kept reading and focusing on my kids.
Then they go over to the train set, and now the woman is almost screaming, "OH MY GOD, WHAT A MESS! WHAT HAPPENED?!!!"
Then the couple starts discussing what a travesty this is. The dad especially seems really upset that the train set has been dismantled. He actually sits down and starts grumbling to himself while attempting to put it back together. And I hear the mom say loudly to him, "Can you believe this? I'd like to shame her into cleaning it up!"
Now you don't have to believe me, but I was TOTALLY going to make Mel clean it up before we left. I mean, I was still right there. And when I've got two small kids with me all by myself, it's not the easiest thing to not leave a tornado behind you everywhere you go. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't have put that train set back together without both my kids vanishing on me. And to be honest, they didn't even know it was me who made that mess in the first place.
I fully expected them to come up to me eventually and confront me, but apparently, they just wanted to passive aggressively talk about me behind my back. Still, it upset me, so they did their job.
Is it possible for me to bring my kids to the library without some library patron yelling at me and making me feel like never coming back?
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Why men earn more than women
Recently I came across an interesting map showing how much women earn for every dollar a man earns. The highlights:
In Utah, the average woman earns 55 cents for every dollar the average man earns.
At best, women earn 3/4 of what men earn.
There are lots of theories as to why women earn so much less than men. Some people say it's because women gravitate toward fields that tend to pay less. But even if you take this into account, women still earn less than men in the exact same job.
The difference does seem to be related to having kids. Apparently, men with children earn about 2% more on average than men without children, whereas women with children earn about 2.5% less than women without children. Women are also more likely to leave the work force for longer periods of time, which further suppresses their earnings.
As a working mom, I really get this. How could I ask for more money when I just took a 12 week maternity leave? How could I ask for more money when I just had to take sick days for a GI bug I caught from my kids? How could I ask for more money when that might make me feel obligated to take on more responsibilities, which I just can't handle right now?
I don't know what the solution is, but I'm sure I'm not the only woman who feels this way. There are probably enough of us to fill at least several binders.
In Utah, the average woman earns 55 cents for every dollar the average man earns.
At best, women earn 3/4 of what men earn.
There are lots of theories as to why women earn so much less than men. Some people say it's because women gravitate toward fields that tend to pay less. But even if you take this into account, women still earn less than men in the exact same job.
The difference does seem to be related to having kids. Apparently, men with children earn about 2% more on average than men without children, whereas women with children earn about 2.5% less than women without children. Women are also more likely to leave the work force for longer periods of time, which further suppresses their earnings.
As a working mom, I really get this. How could I ask for more money when I just took a 12 week maternity leave? How could I ask for more money when I just had to take sick days for a GI bug I caught from my kids? How could I ask for more money when that might make me feel obligated to take on more responsibilities, which I just can't handle right now?
I don't know what the solution is, but I'm sure I'm not the only woman who feels this way. There are probably enough of us to fill at least several binders.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Sick Day
I wake up at 4AM feeling nauseous.
I'm not that surprised. My girls have been vomiting all weekend. Not just vomiting, epic vomits. Like the kind where they vomit a lot and you think, "Wow." Then they vomit again. And then a third time. And now it's on the couch, the carpet, the TV, basically everywhere in a 50 foot radius. And then just when you think this may never end, they burst into tears, because vomiting makes kids cry.
And they want a hug. But they're freaking covered in vomit. I mean, you have to hug them, of course, but you have to at least attempt to strip off some of those vomit-soaked clothes first.
I get this horrible sense of foreboding, but I somehow manage to fall back into a restless sleep and wake up later with my alarm. I still feel really nauseous and my stomach kind of hurts. But I get up and force myself to take a shower.
The living room still sort of smells like vomit. I swear, we cleaned it. I went to the drug store and asked the clerk what would get out baby vomit from the carpet and I got a bottle of Woolite. But I don't know, maybe there's a patch of vomit somewhere that we missed. Probably there is. There was just so much of it.
If anything could have made me feel less like eating breakfast, it's walking into a living room that smells like vomit. Thank God both kids are already awake. I feel like if I have to argue with anyone or do anything unexpected today, I will break down.
The daycare serves breakfast till 8AM, and I think I'm going to make it. We arrive and as I bring my littlest into the toddler room, I see a bunch of one-year-olds sitting around the table with little bowls of food. But I don't see the food cart. "Can she still get breakfast?" I ask.
"Sorry, you're too late," they tell me. It's 8:01AM.
"Is it possible for her to get any food at all?" I beg. "She didn't want to eat before we left." And keep in mind, if you tell me "no," I may vomit on you.
They seat her at the table and say they're going to try to scrounge up some food. If they're deceiving me, I don't even care anymore.
I drive to work. I'm really nauseous now. I wonder if I could throw up. I don't feel like vomiting is imminent. Like I don't think I'm going to have to pull over and yak all over the road. If I'm not actively vomiting, I'm well enough to work. Period.
In the hospital, I make a beeline for the bathroom. My stomach is cramping and I feel like I'm in labor with a vomit-baby. I lean over the toilet but nothing comes right away. It's generally easier to birth a vomit-baby than an actual baby, but it's just not coming. Someone knocks on the door, which totally disturbs my concentration. I can't vomit with someone standing right outside the door!!
I go upstairs and pick up my patient list. It isn't too long. Maybe I can get through it fast. Hopefully nobody will talk to me.
I go to the bathroom. Vomit success!!! But it's not that much. Maybe my symptoms are all psychosomatic, because I watched both my kids throwing up.
No, I should probably just call in sick. The world won't come to an end. It's not fair to anyone for me to be working in this condition.
I leave the bathroom and just stand there, debating what I should do. My boss walks by and I call his name. "Hey," I say.
"Hey," he says. "What's up?"
"Um," I say. "My girls have been throwing up all weekend and I just threw up. So... I guess I should probably go home."
"Yeah, that's fine," he says. "Feel better."
"Here's my patient list," I say, trying to hand it to him.
"I'm not touching that," he says, recoiling in horror. "I'll get a fresh copy."
Fair enough.
I drive home. Maybe I'm not that sick. Maybe I should have just stayed and worked. But then I could have given this awful bug to everyone I work with. I mean, it benefits the hospital if they don't have half the staff out with a stomach flu. I'm sure they'd rather lose me for a day than have that happen.
At home, I try to vomit in the toilet. I can't. Maybe I should have had a bigger dinner last night. How can I be home if I'm not actively vomiting?? Now everyone is going to think I'm an unreliable mom. My husband comes into the bathroom while I'm sitting on the floor by the toilet. "Maybe I should have worked today," I say.
"I can't tell if you're teasing me or if you're really insane," he says.
Little of both, probably.
I'm not that surprised. My girls have been vomiting all weekend. Not just vomiting, epic vomits. Like the kind where they vomit a lot and you think, "Wow." Then they vomit again. And then a third time. And now it's on the couch, the carpet, the TV, basically everywhere in a 50 foot radius. And then just when you think this may never end, they burst into tears, because vomiting makes kids cry.
And they want a hug. But they're freaking covered in vomit. I mean, you have to hug them, of course, but you have to at least attempt to strip off some of those vomit-soaked clothes first.
I get this horrible sense of foreboding, but I somehow manage to fall back into a restless sleep and wake up later with my alarm. I still feel really nauseous and my stomach kind of hurts. But I get up and force myself to take a shower.
The living room still sort of smells like vomit. I swear, we cleaned it. I went to the drug store and asked the clerk what would get out baby vomit from the carpet and I got a bottle of Woolite. But I don't know, maybe there's a patch of vomit somewhere that we missed. Probably there is. There was just so much of it.
If anything could have made me feel less like eating breakfast, it's walking into a living room that smells like vomit. Thank God both kids are already awake. I feel like if I have to argue with anyone or do anything unexpected today, I will break down.
The daycare serves breakfast till 8AM, and I think I'm going to make it. We arrive and as I bring my littlest into the toddler room, I see a bunch of one-year-olds sitting around the table with little bowls of food. But I don't see the food cart. "Can she still get breakfast?" I ask.
"Sorry, you're too late," they tell me. It's 8:01AM.
"Is it possible for her to get any food at all?" I beg. "She didn't want to eat before we left." And keep in mind, if you tell me "no," I may vomit on you.
They seat her at the table and say they're going to try to scrounge up some food. If they're deceiving me, I don't even care anymore.
I drive to work. I'm really nauseous now. I wonder if I could throw up. I don't feel like vomiting is imminent. Like I don't think I'm going to have to pull over and yak all over the road. If I'm not actively vomiting, I'm well enough to work. Period.
In the hospital, I make a beeline for the bathroom. My stomach is cramping and I feel like I'm in labor with a vomit-baby. I lean over the toilet but nothing comes right away. It's generally easier to birth a vomit-baby than an actual baby, but it's just not coming. Someone knocks on the door, which totally disturbs my concentration. I can't vomit with someone standing right outside the door!!
I go upstairs and pick up my patient list. It isn't too long. Maybe I can get through it fast. Hopefully nobody will talk to me.
I go to the bathroom. Vomit success!!! But it's not that much. Maybe my symptoms are all psychosomatic, because I watched both my kids throwing up.
No, I should probably just call in sick. The world won't come to an end. It's not fair to anyone for me to be working in this condition.
I leave the bathroom and just stand there, debating what I should do. My boss walks by and I call his name. "Hey," I say.
"Hey," he says. "What's up?"
"Um," I say. "My girls have been throwing up all weekend and I just threw up. So... I guess I should probably go home."
"Yeah, that's fine," he says. "Feel better."
"Here's my patient list," I say, trying to hand it to him.
"I'm not touching that," he says, recoiling in horror. "I'll get a fresh copy."
Fair enough.
I drive home. Maybe I'm not that sick. Maybe I should have just stayed and worked. But then I could have given this awful bug to everyone I work with. I mean, it benefits the hospital if they don't have half the staff out with a stomach flu. I'm sure they'd rather lose me for a day than have that happen.
At home, I try to vomit in the toilet. I can't. Maybe I should have had a bigger dinner last night. How can I be home if I'm not actively vomiting?? Now everyone is going to think I'm an unreliable mom. My husband comes into the bathroom while I'm sitting on the floor by the toilet. "Maybe I should have worked today," I say.
"I can't tell if you're teasing me or if you're really insane," he says.
Little of both, probably.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Mommy track
I was just thinking the other day about whether there can or should be a mommy track in medical training.
There are other fields where you can have the option of training part time while building a family. Why not in medicine? And this would eliminate resentment aimed at mothers who might need to leave early or call in sick more often due to obligations at home or pregnancy during residency.
I'd imagine residents would take longer to graduate and get paid half salary. If the residency was primarily inpatient, that might be a little trickier to manage, although in outpatient rotations, I'd imagine the resident could just work half days. In a field like PM&R, I could definitely envision how it might work.
What do you think? Is parttime residency a good idea or a bad idea?
There are other fields where you can have the option of training part time while building a family. Why not in medicine? And this would eliminate resentment aimed at mothers who might need to leave early or call in sick more often due to obligations at home or pregnancy during residency.
I'd imagine residents would take longer to graduate and get paid half salary. If the residency was primarily inpatient, that might be a little trickier to manage, although in outpatient rotations, I'd imagine the resident could just work half days. In a field like PM&R, I could definitely envision how it might work.
What do you think? Is parttime residency a good idea or a bad idea?
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