It's a peculiar thing being a single mom, 30, and a first year medical student. At the med school parties, I'm 8 years older than everyone. In the hospital, I'm 8 years behind on my training than physicians my own age. At my kid's daycare, I am that parent that hasn't a clue it was my turn to pay for pizza Friday, or it's the teachers birthday. The other non-traditional parents in my class live with supportive spouses, so it is hard to fully relate to anyone. I like the uniqueness of my life, and on multiple occasions do classmates and strangers tell me how inspiring I am. But, I also admit it is quite lonely. I moved into a new apartment with my 2 and 3 year-old last year. It was the first time I had to live alone with two toddlers. My life was study, change diapers, study, take the kids to beach, study, clean, study, yell at toddlers to stop drawling on the walls, study... It was a crazy adjustment, but I rocked it, mostly, after I found a good balance between those two heavy identities of mum and med student. (Finding that balance took a lot of tears, complete break downs, sleepless nights, fits of being woken by crying toddlers at 4am before a final, lots of use of a babysitter etc. etc). After three months of nothing but late night study sessions in the library, alternating with being Mom, I wanted an escape. Something fun. Something easy. Something to take my mind off of my chaotic life and make me feel like a normal human again. So I got on Tinder. Yes, that awful addicting dating app/hook up site for people like me who are incapable of meeting someone the old fashion way through mutual friends or some serendipitous moment in a coffee shop. The swiping happened, the chatting started, and the harmless fun of it was a light and easy way to wind down at the end of the night. Like how normal people watch TV, I ask completely random attractive men about their lives. I finally got ballsy enough to meet these completely random attractive men in real life. Of course only on weekends after tests when I didn't have to study as much. My basic day to day attire was messy bun and yoga pants, so it was so nice to wear real clothes again! I went Salsa dancing on the beach with a CT surgeon, played board games at a bar with a teacher, picnicked by the water with wine and a book with an IT guy, watched a play with a lawyer, drank more wine and watched the sunset with a pediatrician. It had been 5 years since I dated, and the timing of course is terrible as being a mom and med student makes an impossible girlfriend. But the experience, fun, and connections are just what I need to take me out of my diaper/molecular biology bubble.
Turns out some of my classmates are also on Tinder, so now study breaks consist of swiping and comparing baes (yes I started saying bae, I hang out with 22 year olds). Definitely no Mr. Right in the near future, but I will update y'all if anything crazy happens. Not crazy like the time my date showed up hammered after 5 shots of Whiskey. Just hoping for more wine, sunsets, good conversations, and a reason to wear lipstick.
What are y'alls reasons to wear lipstick?
Your posts always make me laugh. I don’t know anyone any more that has a serendipitous moment at a coffee shop. If anyone came up to me at a coffee shop and asked if they could sit down and get to know me I’d probably find it creepier than anything in this day and age.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know about your Med school, but our Tinder was so incestuous that it was bound to bring up classmates which is always fun to see how people try to portray themselves outside of school. The actual content of your dates sound really fun - yay salsa dancing!
I’m not a lipstick wearer but my favorite reason to throw on real pants is happy hours with friends. It’s generally my one night a week/every othe week that I take off from Momming. I missed the last two due to vacation and sick days so I’m well over due
Have fun with the baes 😉
Yes to happy hour! I'm hoping I am out of my classmates age-range and they won't see my profile lol. And full disclose, it's actually just a pinkish chapstick.
DeleteHi TXgal, I will be a newly single mom with toddler twins starting medschool thus August. Would love to connect with you by email to swap stories...I will admit, the thought of Tinder scares me :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Would love to connect, email MIM and ask for my email.
DeleteI love your posts! Congrats for getting through first year with strength, power, and yourself thriving! Your dates sound really exciting- hope they continue to bring you the joy and escape you deserve!
ReplyDeleteI actually have not worn lipstick in a really long time. But this past weekend I had my first golden weekend in a really long time and we got to go out for a "pre father's day dinner." It was the first time I had dressed up since the holiday season and it felt amazing to get dressed in real clothing (not scrubs or pajamas) and have my hair down, not in a bun, and be a "real person" again. Also, I had the best steak I've ever eaten. (qualifications for best steak: I didn't make it. I didn't clean up after it. Medium-rare.)
Agree with qualifications for best steak!
Deletehaha yes "best" anything means not cleaning up! I'm glad you got out.
DeleteCongrats on getting back out there in the era of app dating! About 6 years ago when I was an MSTP student going back to 3rd year (and older than everyone else with a toddler), I also went through a divorce. The best part of it was exploring okcupid (tinder wasn’t a thing yet) and getting to set my own terms for what I wanted! I found my now husband a few dates into it (we salsa dance too!) and we just welcomed our beautiful baby girl into the world 4 months ago. Putting the lipstick back on was the best thing I could have done! Thanks for sharing and good luck out there!
ReplyDeleteAn online dating success story!!! YES! thanks for sharing!
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