I'm going to come out and say it:
It stinks making plans with other mothers of young kids.
They are never free. It's either date night or a soccer game or a kids birthday party. And if I do manage to make plans with one of my mom friends for a playdate or girls night out, there's a 50/50 shot that someone will start throwing up and it will get canceled.
I used to think it was just me. That my friends were particularly unreliable or they didn't think I was fun enough to make time for. Then I joined the Facebook group for my town, and it opened my eyes. Women will make a post saying they are desperate to make friends and they will set up a playdate for a bunch of kids at the park. Then the very woman who complained she didn't have any friends will flake and say she can't make the playdate!
I had a conversation with the woman who started the Facebook group. She told me she organized an event for the moms in the group, multiple people RSVP'd, she reserved a location, and then she was the only person to show up. I told her the same thing happened to me when I tried to organize a book club for the moms.
It honestly makes me want to just have friends who don't have kids.
Argh me too! I have a friend with two young kids we've been trying to get together with. When we do get together they always have to leave early because one kid is getting cranky or needs a nap. But 75% of the time she says one or the other kid is sick. I was starting to think she just doesn't like us but maybe it's what you say. Having young kids just makes it difficult to do anything!
ReplyDeletethis is my life! and with real friends I've had before babies too (they also have babies) babies are just so unreliable though.
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad! I haven't experienced similar. I have lots of friends with kids, and I have a child as well - our plans are rarely cancelled. If a kiddo gets sick, a partner will watch them. Perhaps your friends are all single parents and can't swing that??? Or you may just need to find more reliable friends. They're out there!!!
ReplyDeleteIt gets much easier when the kids get older! You are not scrambling, you have time to form relationships with the adults. There is not as much sickness - immune systems get built up. There's hope Fizzy - don't give up. I was so alone a few years ago as a single mom with young kids - now I'm refusing invites to get my introvert time in.
ReplyDeleteI feel like "just" having your partner (or parents) watch the kid is something that a lot of people can't do, especially when the kids are little. It HAS gotten better as my daughter gets older, but partly I think it's because my husband sees how much happier I am when I have a social life and encourages me out the door. I suspect that's not the case for a lot of women.
ReplyDeleteRecently it took months to finally have a brunch with an old friend (who has 4 kids but they're much older than my toddler). First, I had to cancel because my baby was sick. Then on the reschedule she forgot and wasn't available. On the third try, I was sick and feeling like crap but I went anyway to be done with it. Really backwards thinking when you're just trying to connect with people!
ReplyDeleteI tend to be pretty unsocial because it's so hard to schedule things as above, but sometimes I long for more female friendships. Every once in a while I'm reminded that I don't have any really good friends (with or without kids) who would just drop things and help me in a jam (like when I was really sick but my husband was out of town).
I don't know a good way to solve these issues but it's good to know I'm not alone in these dilemmas.
My closest local friend is like this. I simply don't expect her to show up. At one point, when I really needed to talk to her and she told me she had to drive one kid somewhere, I finally said "Can't your husband take him?" She explained that her husband stays up until 3:00 AM and sleeps until noon on the weekends, so all morning activities are on her. Sigh.
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