Monday, January 9, 2017

I Want To Hear Your Voice

I had a dream when you were only six months old that your first words were the complete sentence, "You can't tell me what to do!" You babbled so early and so prolifically that I figured you'd be talking by the time you turned one year. But now here we are two months past that, and I'm still in the dark. At least you've started pointing, but many times I still don't know what you want.

Why are other babies your age using words when you're not? Aren't you the child of a doctor and a lawyer who speak to you constantly in both English and Baby-ese? Who read you books every night? I Google the milestones, and you're definitely lagging in the language department. Have I done all the right things? What did I miss? Is this how it's going to be, you giving the overachiever but unsure parent in me an anxiety attack at every developmental step? I know comparison is futile, but I still fall prey to it sometimes. It's going to be a long parenthood if I don't learn how to stop now.

My thoughts of worry really are just fleeting; all I want is to hear your voice. Your real voice. Not just "mamama", "dadada" and "uh oh". As your mother, I keenly know your cry and your coo, but I want to know what you sound like when you express yourself with words. The lilt in your voice when you're delighted. How the words come out when you're angry. The tones you release when you're sad. I want to talk to you, to hear your thoughts and feelings and desires. Right now all I can do is wonder, but I'll bet it's going to be a beautiful voice.

12 comments:

  1. I feel your angst! My son didn't talk much until he was OVER 3. I told everyone it was because he had an older sister to talk for him, and because he had a nanny that spoke only Spanish so he was assimilating two languages. I had recommendations from his Montessori teachers to send him to a speech pathologist but I was short on time and confident that I could see the intelligence in his eyes despite few words. Sure enough, he opened up just fine. If you ask him at 11 about his new XBox game Overwatch you will not be able to get him to shut up:). I am sure she will let you in soon! Can't wait to hear about it.

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    1. Wow that is a long time! I'm glad he "caught up", and I'm hopeful that my babe will too :).

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  2. You're not asking for advice, so I erased the advice-giving post :) I love the way you express your longing in this piece. You are reaching out to your child's future. Just gorgeous.

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  3. Sometimes bright kids wait until they can express themselves in coherent phrases or sentences.

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    1. That's what everyone keeps telling me. My mom reminded me that my sister's kid was the same!

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  4. This really resonates with me. Ours is almost 16 months and still not a single word (not even mama and dada!). He babbles expressively all the time and understands so much (he points to the correct body parts when we ask him, he hands us things when we ask him to, knows "bathtime," "doggy," and "dinner", etc). But he just isn't interested in expressing himself with words! Our pediatrician isn't worried at all but I'm getting jealous of other parents with kids who talk. I too, can't wait to hear his little voice! It's sometimes hard as chronic overachievers to relax and wait for our kids to do things at their own pace.

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    1. Yes, definitely... Sounds like he has a big vocabulary already without even talking! Hopefully they will both open up soon.

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  5. I remember with my first being so excited to hear him talk and I couldn't wait.

    Now that I have 2 who are 3 and 5, it would be nice to have maybe just a little bit of quiet once in awhile. Most of what I hear is arguments about whose turn it is to talk now. :-) I am convinced they are able to talk on both inhalation and exhalation.

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  6. Oh, your baby is only 8 months old? Seriously, not behind. My son did not even say mama to me until he was 13-14 months old, and I don't think he said any identifiable words until he was close to 12 months. If I remember correctly on his 12 month birthday he was saying "Hi," "Dada," and "Ball." He then learned "Cat" as well before saying "Mama," so it's nice to know where I fall in the important things in his life. :-) (kidding)

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    1. She's almost 14 months, and she says dadada and mamama but not to the correct people. The real non-babble word for her so far is, "Uh oh", which she has been using appropriately for months now. Yeah everyone says once they start they won't stop, so in a way I should cherish these days.

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  7. My oldest didn't talk until 14 months or so, and then was using full sentences by 2. Now at 7 her speech patterns are beyond many teenagers. My younger one waited longer to speak, but I was in no hurry (see big sister) beyond the occasional "this is normal right" check. Now she says "I wove you mommy" which is seriously the most adorable thing ever.

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