Mom guilt

It's been way too long since I posted but life! No excuses really except I did get pregnant and had baby girl # 2 (little N).

But this post is about my first baby, little C.

What is it about kids starting elementary school that the divide between a stay at home mom and a working mom become even more apparent?

Little C started first grade last week and from Monday to Wednesday, she goes to the school's after school program. Last year she also went while she was in kindergarten but it was different. Kindergarten was only a half day and a lot of kids even the ones with stay at home mom went to the after school program since kindergarten was only 3 hours. Also, the teachers from the after school programs would walk the kindergarteners over to the area where the program is held on the school campus.

However, first grade is a different story. The kids are expected to grow up suddenly! I had no idea but apparently, little C was told to walk to her after school program once her class got out this Monday. I picked her up after work and she was playing happily when I got there.

When I was putting her to bed that night, she said "Mommy, don't be mad but I got lost while walking over to CEC (the name of the after school program) and I walked around 3-4 times until a teacher asked if I was lost and took me there." She also told me she was the only kid in her class that went to the after school program and that all the other moms are waiting for their kids at the gate after school. My mommy heart sank and tears of guilt just came streaming down as I imagined by 6 year old walking around in the hot sun, lost and confused while every single one of her friends are greeted by their moms. But her reaction to the situation was what killed me. I couldn't believed she thought I would be mad. Do I expect so much from her? She's only 6! And she wasn't at all disturbed by the fact that she was lost and seemed proud that she figured out a solution on how to get there.

I drowned myself in mom guilt this whole week over this situation but today (my day off) as I was walking her to school I asked her if she would prefer if I could do this every day and not have to go to CEC.

She said, "NO MOMMY! I have the best mommy in the whole wide world and I tell everyone that my mommy is busy helping other people and my daddy is busy helping other people and thats why I need to go to CEC. I want to be just like you mommy--a mommy and a doctor."

She killed me again. How are you only 6, my little C? Your insight and understanding is something I don't deserve.

I am so blessed to be your mom, kid.

She continues to do this every single day. I always thought there would be so many things to teach my kids but turns out they teach me something new every day.

So mom guilt, it never ends but every once in awhile, your kids remind you that you're doing a great job and everything is okay.