Monday, August 15, 2016

Craving

My youngest is starting kindergarten in the fall. And I kinda sorta want to have a third child.

I currently have two girls, who are absolutely wonderful. They consume a lot of my free time, I can take them to activities outside and they will behave, and I have just enough free time available for other activities that I enjoy. Everything is finally settling down a little bit, I get to sleep through the night most nights, and I'm reconnecting with my husband after some difficult times when the girls were little.

Still. I kinda sorta want to have a third child.

My brain knows that I shouldn't. I've got a laundry list of reasons why:

--my youngest daughter is incredibly attached to me and would undoubtedly be extremely jealous of any time I had to spend with a baby.

--my family has a really strong history of autistic boys. I got lucky with two normal girls, but now that I'm older, the risks are even higher of problems

--I love getting to sleep through the night.

--I have a lot of musculoskeletal issues caused by lifting my younger daughter, which would make a baby challenging

--I am finally getting back to trying to expand my career, and I don't want to give that up

--I like having free time to myself again

--my girls are still quite young, still very cute, and still need me a lot. And they absolutely do not want me to have another child.

--my husband does not like babies. He hates every aspect of caring for babies. He gets incredibly grumpy when he doesn't get enough sleep. I think our last child nearly destroyed our marriage, and now we're finally OK again. But he absolutely does not want another child under any circumstance. Convincing him to have a third child would be…probably impossible.

When I write this out, especially the last one, I wonder why I am even thinking about it. Even my husbands issues aside, the last thing I need right now is another child. The thought of caring for an infant makes me physically ill.

But I still have that pull inside me whenever I see a baby, and I feel sad that that part of my life is over forever.

5 comments:

  1. Damn Fizzy. You are full of surprises. Follow your heart❤️

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  2. I would recommend not having another child. The sadness goes away quickly

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  3. Your girls would do best with 2 happy committed parents. Sounds like an extra baby would not be a good thing. What about adopting a toddler boy?!? No baby for hubby to dread. We are still considering adoption.

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  4. i also agree to follow your heart!!! ❤❤

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  5. If it weren't for hubby not being on board I would encourage it (because I want everyone to have as many or as few children as they desire), but having kids is something all partners have to be on board for. I think life transitions are always a little tough and there will always be things that are missed, be it moving, changing jobs, leaving parents / having kids / kids leaving / etc, but there's always new and interesting things ahead.

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