Genmedmom here.
Typical morning clinic day: I'm up at 4:50 a.m. and out the door before 6 a.m. to catch the train. The commute is prime time to skim the news/ blogs/ email/ social media, or, order groceries for delivery. I arrive at work early to prep charts. My patients are scheduled from 7:40 a.m. to 12 p.m. (and clinic usually runs over). Then, it's patient calls/ prescription refills/ results/ all kinds of paperwork/ maybe some writing until somewhere between 4 and 6 p.m. Then, I run for the train, ride back, run to my car, pick up kids at my mom's. Wrestle kids out the door, stuff them into the car, and herd them into our house. If Hubby is not working or traveling, we make a good effort to sit down to a nice dinner, usually warmed up leftovers from a weekend pot of soup. We tag-team on the evening stuff: get kids to eat if they haven't eaten, feed the cats, unpack schoolbags and yucky lunch boxes, identify any major school communications or homework, make lunches for the next day, wash dishes. The kids start getting super-silly and disobedient around this time, so I cattle-prod them up the stairs, out of their heinously dirty clothes, and into the bath; attempt to wash their hair (which usually has food in it) and yell at them for splashing water all over the place. Get kids out of tub, then chase after them as they actively evade me, giggling and taunting. Pull pajamas on, force them to brush and floss teeth, read books. Read more books. Read JUST ONE MORE BOOK PLEASE MOMMY?
Sigh. By the time the kids are asleep, I'm exhausted, and I realize with great sadness that I've spent most of our precious few hours together yelling, nagging, scolding, threatening, and counting to three about fifty times.
The few minutes we have snuggling in bed reading quietly (well, truthfully, it usually stretches into thirty minutes reading quietly) is the only real "quality time" we've got.
I know there are doctor-moms out there with busier schedules than mine (I only work four days a week).
Busy doctor-moms, how do you create quality time with your kids? What does it look like? When do you fit it in?
1) That schedule sounds unbelievably tough. Is the 4 day / week thing necessary? Could you do 5 days but with a shorter day? (this might sound crazy if you love your day off, but there is just no wiggle room in that day, esp in the AM!)
ReplyDelete2) Another crazy one - that is a LONG sounding commute (an hr? couldn't quite tell). Anything you could do (including move) to reduce this? Can you work on the commute to reduce length of day (have no idea if this is feasible, just throwing it out there!)
3) Maybe you could alternate cattle-prod duties with husband and have some nights where you prep charts while he cattle prods, and then you get to just read and snuggle with them (that part sounds awesome :) ).
That's so funny, I usually feel guilty when I admit that I ONLY work four days a week. There's alot of folks who think doctors shouldn't get to work part-time at all! But you're right, those days are kind of long. Unfortunately I know all too well that if I came in five days, the days would be just as long... Thanks so much for your suggestions!
DeleteFirst of all, you may not feel like it, but where your children are concerned, I think you actually ARE providing them with quality time. You eat family dinner together almost every day! You actually put them to bed AND read to them daily - these things are huge!! What I think you are missing is time for yourself so that you don't feel like you are run ragged. To me, it sounds like you should skip reading time once a week and have hubby do reading time and you spend those 30 minutes to recharge yourself. Schedule one or two fun family activities on the weekend or on your day off when you may feel a little less tired and a little more in control of the day. Leave the house and go for a walk, run, gym class once a week while hubby is on cattle prodding duty and then you may come back recharged and able to get through the night without feeling like you are nagging, scolding and threatening. I find that when I feel like this its mostly because I have reached the edges of my own sanity and I need a break. I'm pretty sure if you asked your kids right now they would say your the coolest most awesome mom ever! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cutter! It's good to have perspective from another doctor-mom! You are sure right about no time to re-charge. I had a free hour this weekend to go for a run and it was bliss, pure bliss. I am realizing that it was the only free hour I have had, that is, time alone to do with what I pleased, in at least two weeks.
DeleteI agree with Cutter - "quality time" doesn't mean it's all serene and quiet. Doing family work together and sitting down to dinner together and having the kids see you and your husband work together is all quality time. Plus you spend your day off with them, right? I think you're doing really well with little kids. It gets easier as they get more independent.
ReplyDeleteWhen Eve was that little, she went to bed really early - before she got to the silly, acting out, overly exhausted time. We hardly ever ate together as a family - we brought her home from daycare and got her fed. We were all together in the kitchen during this time. Then one of us took her upstairs and did the bedtime thing, and the other one cooked the grownup dinner, which we ate after she was in bed. All the rest (paperwork, cleanup, clearing out lunchboxes, etc) happened after dinner. I also had breakfast with her, though, since I always took her to school/daycare, so I had that time with her in the morning. Still do, and I'll miss if when she starts driving herself to school next fall.
Jay, you have pointed out the total key. Our kids don't get enough sleep. They are totally out of control towards the end of the day. Like wild circus animals. We struggle with the bedtime thing. It's because of our crazy schedules- I'm not usually walking in the door with them until after 6, almost 7 pm. If hubby and I don't eat with the kids, we don't eat until really, really late... We like sitting down altogether, but I know that the kids get to sleep entirely too late for 4 and 5 years old!
ReplyDeleteIs there a way to swap things around? Like dinner, bath (because that needs cooperation), then tidy up all the loose ends from there? I know it can be hard to break the bath/bedtime routine, but maybe the calming effect of the warm water might make everything else run more smoothly? Also, can you make your bathroom more splashable, so that you don't have to worry as much if they do get water everywhere?
ReplyDeleteThanks Tyra, No doubt we need to push the whole routine up a bit earlier, for sure. Splashing isn't that big a deal, I have to remember that. I'd love to know what other working moms consider quality time with family, and how they make it happen.
ReplyDeleteNot a doctor, but a busy mom of a 3 & 5 year old. I think Jay is right about quality time being any family togetherness time. I also like low-key activities that we can do together. We have board game night (they LOVE Richard Scarry's Busytown game), puzzle night, coloring night. The logistics of making it happen include:
ReplyDelete-must start at a certain time to give us enough time to play. Therefore dinner must be eaten by X:00 and pjs on by X:15 - must behave if you want to play games!
-I don't bathe them every day. Sometimes they are grubby and I'm OK with it.
- if dinner is eaten in the time frame above, we make popcorn for the activity. If not, well, breakfast is up next.
-some bedtime activities must be conceded. Eg only one book tonight if you want to play games.
-do activity on the floor and let go of adhereence to rules. If someone wants to do somersaults instead of their turn in candyland, or go backwards on the chute or ladder, fine.
-end at reasonable time and bed!
Oh and I take a quick look at backpacks right away, but i make lunches & pack backpacks, do dishes after they are in bed!
DeleteWow, your house sounds like a lot of fun! Great ideas. Probably wouldn't work every night, but I really like the ideas for weekends.
DeleteHi Genmedmom, first, thank you for all you contribute to this forum!
ReplyDeleteYour schedule does sound like long days. Two things I thought of from your tale:
1) Have you thought about having a mother's helper pick the kids up and get dinner started, if not all 4 days then maybe 2 of 4 days?
2) Can your mom give the kids a bath and put them in pj's before you pick them up?
Thanks so much! Hubby does pick up the kids sometimes, but even then things feel crazy. There have been times we've bathed and PJs the kids at mom's, and it does help a bit. Sometimes someone falls asleep in the car on the way home… :)
DeleteHi genmedmom, I assume you're a family doctor? Me too -- and your work schedule is really busy sounding to me! That's 16+ hours of patient visits/week plus another 16-24 hours of paperwork? I wonder if you are able financially to decrease your patient hours so that your paperwork time decreases -- or find ways to be more efficient with your paperwork?
ReplyDeleteOther ideas:
1. move closer to work! or move work closer to home! You're losing 8-10 hours/week on commute
2. Leave work early at least once/week like right after you finish last patient
3. book extra day off once every two weeks -- can you do paperwork from home? Losing that commute will feel awesome and you can do both pickup and dropoff on those days yourself if you want to
4. if you can't cut down clinc time, what about making one day a full clinic day and then only going in three days/week instead of four? Again you gain that commute time. Or an evening clinic? so you have afternoon as a break at office and then see patients again 4-8 or something?
5. Another thing you could try is to exercise right after you finish seeing patients if you can -- just a quick run around your office area -- will make the rest of the day go so much better!
Best of luck. You got this!!!!!
I like the evening clinic idea, as alot of patients have been asking for this. One of our docs has an evening clinic that is very popular! And, agreed, exercise is totally key.
DeleteI agree about not bathing every night. Ever since having children, I have lived in wonder at the people that bathe their children daily. Only bathing twice per week (for kids who don't wet the bed, or get unusually dirty for some reason) is a huge time save.
ReplyDeleteIn our house, we are huge fans of having dates with the kids individually. In other busy times, it is either crowd control or an overly attention needing child takes away from the other(s). Then ask what they want to do for the date or surprise them. this obviously would need to happen on your day off or the weekend. you could both take each kid out in parallel.
For other quality time around the house, I recommend asking each child what they want to do. Even 10 minutes of focused playing with a child can feel like an eternity to them (and you if it involves using your imagination to play dolls or cars or something! :)
Love the "date" idea, so cute! That sounds like fun, and something they would really enjoy. You are right that even a small amount of undivided attention works wonders.
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