Sometimes you just feel like a bad mom. Not that you're doing anything wrong, per se, but that everyone else is doing a better job of doing everything right.
Usually I'm pretty open and honest about my experiences, but today I just don't want to talk about it.
Instead, maybe you can do something for me, to cheer me up: Give me (at least) one example of something you've done recently or in the past that made you feel like a bad mom.
I'll put one of mine in the comments.
At grocery store, purchased a package of EIGHT cupcakes with neon colored frosting, clearly meant for child consumption.
ReplyDelete3 consecutive nights of grilled cheese for dinner!!!!
ReplyDeleteOne of our cats died and I couldn't deal with everyone else's reactions so I never told my kids. They think that kitty likes to sleep under my bed. He's really in an urn behind a family picture on the bookcase. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm leaving my 7 week old baby for 24 hours to go to a bachelorette party. He'll be with Dad, and we'll all be fine, but I feel like a bad mom when I hear about moms of much older babies freaking out about leaving them overnight for the first time.
ReplyDelete@Peggy Sue, when my twin girls were 6 months I left them with their grandparents for three days to go on a trip to Chicago for my birthday. It was the first time I left them and was not that nervous as my in-laws had basically moved in with us for the first couple of months to help out. I didn't realize I should be freaked out until I got back and got reactions from other moms saying that I was so brave and they would never leave their babies at such a young age. I am sure you, dad, and baby will be fine :)
ReplyDeleteLet my kid watch 3+ hours of TV in my room while jumping on the bed so that I could get some "me" time - and by "me" time I mean, studying, cleaning the house and listening to my husband vent for the nth time about how he wants to quit his job.
ReplyDeleteKasiunut: jumping on the bed = exercise for your kid! Mom win!
ReplyDeleteFruit roll up and iPad into the jogging stroller so that mama can get some exercise
ReplyDeleteWhen the super straight-laced pediatrician asked my four year old what her favorite TV show was and she said "Will and Grace"
ReplyDeleteI have let my children watch several hours of TV just so I could get some quiet me time which involved eating a lot of chocolate and watching some grown-up TV shows.........
ReplyDeleteThe above is just lazy mom. A truly "bad mom" moment that I still have guilt over involves yelling a lot at my daughter moments before we had to leave to walk to the school bus. The truth is: I overreacted to a bad situation caused by lack of sleep and frustration on my part. However, although she doesn't really remember it, I still have guilt over the moment and worries about how this may play out when she becomes an adult and is remembering things about her childhood to her (inevitable) therapist)
ReplyDeleteThe time my daughter was having a hard time leaving daycare and I counted to three, said I was leaving, and then left - walking out through a door that locked automatically as soon as it closed behind me, and that she couldn't open because she wasn't tall enough, leaving her sobbing, alone in the hallway, until I could get buzzed back in. Shudder.
ReplyDeleteyelling at my son because his handwriting was illegible on his person of the week poster. the real issue was, he wanted a bunch of photos which i had no idea where to find or even if i'd ever printed them and he was supposed to bring it in the next day. i'd forgotten about it over the weekend and he told me when i came home from work.
ReplyDeleteYelling at my 5 year old - many mornings, just before leaving for school.
ReplyDeleteI should handle it better, but I am not able to. I start preparing for this moment 3 pm the day before - have everything ready - but SOMETHING happens to trigger me - something that eats time, and no matter how early we try - we are ALWAYS late.
My daughter was acting up leaving daycare- wouldn't get her coat on, wouldn't walk to the car, wouldn't get in her booster seat, was throwing tantrums, etc. I had just finished a grueling day and without thinking, scooped her up and started walking back to daycare, threatening to leave her there until she was ready to listen to me. I still feel guilty picturing her face as she clung to me sobbing not to leave her. Truly my lowest point as a mother. I still cannot believe I let my child feel abandoned like that.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a "like" button so we could indicate which of the bad mom things already listed that we've already done!
ReplyDelete- yelling on the way out the door in the AM
- too much TV (whatever that means)
- bribing with junk food, ipads, video games, you name it
All too familiar!
Letting my baby cry on the floor upon reaching home so I could wash the breastpump parts and have a drink of water. Baby is in a separation anxiety mode
ReplyDeletei feel bad after i have threatened my son into gobbling down his breakfast when he is still sleepy at 5 am. and all the yelling to get him up n ready for school.
ReplyDeleteWatching TV for 3 hours so mom can replenish is a GOOD mom! BAD to let your career stress you to the point you take it out on your kids. But we all have done it-question is do we learn from the guilt and not repeat it. I read somewhere that if your kids grow up knowing that you love them they forget those rare bad times.
ReplyDeleteJappy- I couldn't agree with you more
DeleteI am really bad momwhen we were at my friend home and their i saw my 3 year old son start eating the soil and also giving other children to eat it and they all start eating soil. i go outside in garden and slap him infront of every one that why is he eating soil. if he want any thing then ask me. mom will cook you every thing. i know he is so small that he don't understand what happen to him and whta i say him but still now he is a bit scared of soil.
ReplyDeleteBreast cancer
my child's bad study habits and its consequences make me rant about importance of education, my own upbringing and responsible childhood. It gets too intense and repetitious. It is not solving my child's problem. I feel bad about it. I know I have to look for solutions, but part of me is destroyed when I see my child fail to perform ....once again.. despite my hours of supervising home work.. and "instilling" good habits. Maybe we should get a post out on school work struggles.
ReplyDeleteI do the same exact thing
DeleteI do the same exact thing
DeleteMy commute is long and I hate it. I think I take it out on my daughter sometimes by yelling at home when she is acting like a maniac (usually before bedtime).
ReplyDeleteI felt worst one day when she started crying and I asked why and she told me bc you hurt my feelings.
I hugged her and apologized and told her mommys make mistakes sometimes. Sigh.
My own mother has not been good to me most of my life. She abandoned me and my brother when we were 16,18 and dedicated her life, time, all emotions to her new boyfriend/now husbund of 20 years. She started dating him weeks after leaving my farther. She was not there for me and my brother when he and I were hurting and healing from her divorce. She has never been interested in seeing my children, her only grandchildren. My repeated cries for help has been met with ignorance, though she is fully retired. Several years ago I found out that her husbund forbids her contact with me and my children for the sake of having her 100% devotion and time. She never agreed to 2 week visit to see me/my kids. She has not seen my youngest untill he was 7 yo. She would not have seen my youngest if I have not visited my home country. Now I am completely over my relationship with my mother. But when I was still boiling with feelings, I was horrified that it was almost making me care less for my kids. I did a lot of work to separate my personal issue from my family life. As humans we are influenced by our own struggles. And when we are "happy" everyone around us is "happy". Reflection helped me see the prospective. But it takes time. Plus, it seems like wives have to work more on marital and kids problems. I complained to my friend that when I come home I have to adjust to both kids' and husbund's feelings/expectaions and agendas for that moment, and noone cares what it takes for me, and what my day was like. My friend who has exact same mix at home said" such is woman's fate". Ah... here I hoped to find support, and I got "stick it out". Hang in there, my friend, know yourself and your limits, don't push yourself to the corner. Always see light at the end of each "tunnel".
ReplyDeleteWhen my baby fell down the staircase and already had one arm in a cast from a mysterious daycare injury.
ReplyDeleteTo Kasinuit: I read a newspaper article today about working mom. She says rest for her is "alternating work activities" !
ReplyDeleteJust like you said !
Anyone has good ideas on "me" time for working conervative moms?
I took my board and now can "afford" it.
Yep... +1 for the sticking the kid in front of the tv so I could get "me time" (ie, shower, eat breakfast).
ReplyDeleteI strapped my 7mo in her high chair but she wriggled out and fell to the floor when I was distracted with the 2yo tantrum :(
ReplyDeleteI run late and yell at kiddo that shes too slow when trying to get out the door in the am. Every am. She IS too slow- but I need to plan on it.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't go on a field trip with her because of work. She had a blast. And teared up later. Which made me snuffle. Which made me mad at myself- she was FINE.
I'm also hiding in the bathroom right now to get 5 min away. :)
I can't count the number of times I've yelled at one of my kids to be quiet or stop running/playing so loudly/making weird noises/tickling his sister when what they were doing wasn't naughty or against any of our rules. Instead, I was just tired and cranky from a too-long day and wanted them to leave me alone.
ReplyDeleteI let my 12 yo son go on a sleepover to a school friend's house before having met, and without first talking to, the friend's parents.
ReplyDeleteBetsie we did the same thing once and you should have seen the nasty place we sent our daughter to!! Once my daughter hurt her wrist and my response was "oh it's fine" until the next week when xr revealed scaphoid fx... :(
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love you guys. I don't know who the heck you are but I love you. I;m an overworked internist, mother of 3 and I love you. i feel like a terrible mom when I lose my temper andyell at my 5yo who whines and cries to me about anything I ask him to do but acts like an Angel with his dad just because dad lets him play video games
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sure I have a list..
ReplyDeleteLeft my 9 year old home alone so I could take a run (gone an hour).
Every Friday I bring home a doughnut for that same 9 year old (maple bar with bacon) before our bike ride.
Let the kids play Wii so that my husband and I can get some parent time (yes, that kind of parent time-what?we'r busy!) Kids are 13.5 and 9.
Forced both kids to sit in the bleachers with my husband for 2.5 hours while I ran a Half Marathon.
Maybe one day I will feel guilty, but it won't be today. Guilt is so overrated anyway.
Put baby gates at the two entrances of the livingroom, locking my almost 3 year old in with me. Cleared the room of pointy things, breakable things, drawing things. Turned on Cars. Laid on couch for a 116 minute nap. I work two jobs and I'm a mom, housekeeper, cook, wife. The boy spent most of the time snuggling with me but, I still felt a bit guilty.
ReplyDelete