That's So Meta...

My blogging started off way back in July of 2006. I began blogging for a number of reasons, the first being that one of my good friends had a blog about her life that I enjoyed reading, and loved how it was like a journal that could "talk back" to you, so, I totally copied her idea. The second reason was because I enjoyed writing and wanted a creative outlet, the practice of day-to-day medicine does not often lend itself to creativity. The third, more distant reason, was as an anonymous outlet for the frustrations surrounding my job at the time.

Since that time, my job and circumstances have changed for the better, but, save a handful of people, I try to keep my blogging anonymous. I do worry about being "outed." Not so much because I don't stand behind every word I write (because I do), but because I know that not knowing where I am/who I am affords my patients (and me) additional protection/anonymity. Not to mention the fact that it is more and more tempting to self-censor if your identity is known. I do a lot of "keeping up appearances" in my day to day life. I like to have a place to let it "all hang out." At times I worry about what my new partners would think of my blogging, but, at other times, I also have urges to spill about the blog. My husband knows (and he wants to "out" me all the time), a select few of my friends know, and some of the lovely ladies with whom I blog know "the real me." Sometimes I wish that I were not an anonymous blogger, mostly because I'd like to direct my family or friends to certain posts to let them know how I feel about particular issues, and, let's face it, sometimes because I am proud of the blogs that I write and want to brag a bit. Most of the time, however, I am very content to remain anonymous.

Life often gets in the way of blogging for me, and so many times I am struck with the urge to spill all of the thoughts from my head onto the screen. I love blogging. I love that it brings patients and physicans to a common ground, so the better to communicate as people, rather than 'doctor' and 'patient.' I also love the community of blogging physicians, it is so nice to share stories, laughs, and frustrations with those of us in the trenches, and it is also great to provide information and guidance to upcoming residents and medical students alike. Sometimes, however, I feel obligated to blog. I feel as though I am letting people down when I don't write. Then, if I feel obligated to write, sometimes the ideas don't flow as freely.

Ultimately, blogging has changed the way I think about people, patients, and medicine. In many ways, it reminds me every day to think of my patients as real people and not just problems to be solved or diagnoses to be made (or numbers to force through the treadmill). I try to keep in mind that even though it may be my 9th delivery of the day, it is *the* delivery of the day for my patient. I am thankful to be part of this blogging community, and hope to be blogging for many more years to come!