I'm
a single mom of three who will be starting a combined IM/Reseach
residency in July. For all of the MiMs, how do you/did you interact
with other mothers while in training? It would be so nice if there
were an official group or club, but if it's not available, I don't know
if I would be the right person to organize it. I'm a little older and
have been out of the game for a while doing research, so maybe there
aren't even many women who will be starting a family and would be
interested. Is anyone aware of any good models?
Many thanks!
I was asked if I wanted to start such an organization at my med school as an older MD-PhD as well. I ultimately decided against it since I don't want MOMMY to be plastered all over my cv when I applied to residency, and because I've felt judged by other med student parents I've met. It seems like it might be a useful resource if you did carpooling or nanny shares, though I wonder if it would just turn into another mommy clique.
ReplyDeleteThere are several other residents with children in my program and many of the faculty have children/ had children while in training and we all talk about our experiences regularly in a very casual and informal way when the opportunity arises. For example, several of us all had breastfed babies around the same time, so our conversations usually revolved around how much milk we were pumping, whose baby was starting solids, whose baby was waking up too many times overnight, whose baby was drinking more than she was pumping, etc . . . sometimes there were just 2 of us talking, but sometime there were 4 of us talking. It has been such a great help. It's kind of an informal network. Perhaps next year I will work on doing something more "formal" like social activites, but we'll see. Wishing you the best! And as far as faculty members go, you will figure out who wants to be an extra help and make sure to check in with them periodically. My Residency Director had children in Residency and every time we talk she makes sure to share techniques that worked for her family and asks me how my family is doing. When my husband and her husband met, he took the time to talk to him about how things went for him.
ReplyDeleteI latched on to an older resident who was 11 months ahead of me in motherhood of both her kids and got incredible support/advice for nursing and motherhood. I was happy, despite being overwhelmed, to do the same for two residents behind me. I depended on SAHM friends and non-mommy's in medicine for social time, however infrequent, to catch up on life/advice outside of my resident world. Formal organizing was not possible for me during residency.
ReplyDeleteAs a single mom now I have extra empathy for you! I tried so hard to find groups of single mothers online, as I felt like a bit of a leper around the kid's school. It was impossible - all the single mother meetups were abandoned, I imagined due to lack of time, and the only support group I found was started by a male psychologist who I bitterly imagined was drumming up business (I'm not anti-psychologists, but it wasn't what I was looking for). It was challenging, but I have found two single moms I depend on and have fun with and that is newly growing with a federal prosecutor Harvard grad single mom I discovered at the kid's school and have had dinner with this summer. I'm not prejudiced against married moms - I hold onto those friendships and they are desperate for girl time, but there is something different I get from women who share my experience.
Good luck to you!