Hope in a cloud

I recently attended a virtual conference and one of the sessions centered on wellbeing during the pandemic. The session organizers had participants engage by contributing to word clouds.

In one word, describe how you felt during the pandemic? Not surprisingly, the words that grew largest were anxiety, stress, isolated, uncertainty. 

The next prompt was, In one word, what is the way that you coped? For me, hard to capture in one word but I think it was a combination of the words I saw populating the screen: family, colleagues (leaned on each other), exercise. On that last one, I've completely fallen in love with yoga over this past year and the wonders it has done for my body and mind. Especially on days when my almost-16-yo daughter joins me and we do it together. This is the best bonding. It's almost spiritual sometimes, and at others, it devolves into laughter when one of us falls or does yoga very wrong.

The last word cloud prompt was, In one word, what are you most hopeful for this coming year?

Just looking at these words in this image makes my heart rate and breathing slow. I can't wait to travel with my family again and explore a new country. Reconnecting. Being with people. I miss hugs. (Who said netflix?). I'm feeling hope again - a clearing, a light, better days with more joy and more of all of this.

The Hamster Wheel

 This year has been a hamster wheel. An asterisk. A toss-up.  Now that we are a year into the pandemic, many are vaccinated and starting to re-enter society; thought-pieces abound about seeing the silver lining, recognizing the many blessings that go unnoticed, appreciating family, home, the small things. I associate with all of it. 

But today, I'm writing to procrastinate. To feel useful. To send a message out there into the world of moms in medicine asking if you feel the same or for any words of wisdom. There was so much give and take this year, but I feel like the world kept taking and I have little left to give. Between spotty childcare, the disaster that is virtual learning, and trying to be a useful and productive fellow entering a job market that is abysmal, I feel like I have loose ends at every turn. Laundry undone, projects have finished, articles partly read, emails never sent. I gave myself permission to take a full 2 week spring break- no shifts, no teaching responsibilities, nothing-  the first real vacation in a while, as during residency traveling was hard, there was always more to study,  and I had saved up vacation for maternity leave. 

Maybe this is just post vacation blues, but the feeling of so many mountains to overcome is overwhelming. I plan to just chip away at all the responsibilities one thing at a time. Prioritizing work this week, home life the next. I'll take any tips you have.