What Exactly Is Coaching?

This being a blog made of women physicians, I thought it would be prudent to write a post about Coaching. If you haven't noticed on the socials, coaching - a fixture in the corporate leadership world for some time - is really taking off in the physician and professional wellness space. There are coaches for every sort of physician wellness niche issue you might be facing: burnout, getting unstuck, work-life balance, negotiations, finances, parenting, weight loss, etc. And with some exceptions, these coaches are predominantly women. During the takeoff of the pandemic, coaching programs around the problems of PPE stress, furloughs, homeschooling, and quarantine were everywhere. 

I used to think coaching was for CEOs or entrepreneurs. High-powered execs who use The Secret and go to Tony Robbins events. Yet now, in our current landscape as women physicians, there's never been a better time to get some coaching.

My experience

When I was in the throes of burnout and self-care failure years ago, I had a coach. He was the spouse of my residency mentor, a person versed in executive problem solving with a thriving business and book on the subject. My sessions with him were so incredibly insightful; he helped me embark on the self-knowledge journey that I started during my sick leave... which ultimately lead me to starting PracticeBalance!

Yes I have a supportive family. I have a great relationship with my husband, and we openly communicate about everything in our lives. I've also seen a therapist during particularly dark times. But until I had a coach, I never realized just how powerful it can be to have an objective person listen to you, whose sole job is to listen without judgement, and help you analyze your thoughts.

It's like, all of a sudden, you gain CLARITY: on directions, on decisions, on values. Yet YOU are the one who solves your own problems... with some gentle help. I've had other coaches since, and I have one now.

The Power of Clarity

Is coaching effective?

Aside from the fact that it's very popular to have a coach right now, it's also effective. A 2019 study in JAMA found that primary care physicians randomized to a 6 month professional coaching program reported lower rates of emotional exhaustion of overall burnout. A 2020 study in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology of a six-session coaching intervention found the same. And these studies are now extending to medical students and residents.

Coaching can take place in different settings: group, one-on-one, in person or virtual. Sometimes sessions involve themes, lessons, or mini lectures, and other times it is completely client-led. Sessions can last anywhere from 45-90 minutes, and as the coachee, you should expect to be put "on the spot". Coaching is about YOU. And expect to have homework between sessions. Also, the most effective coaching will involve follow-up, as you see demonstrated in the above cited studies. One-off sessions aren't completely useless, but part of the coaching experience is the accountability to take what you've learned/realized and apply it to your life... then report back to your coach.

Coaching vs. other things

How is coaching different from therapy, or even mentoring? Coaching takes a collaborative approach that is often future-focused and/or goal-focused, with the intent of changing behavior or thought patterns. Therapy tends to focus on past traumas and other experiences as root causes of behavior or thought patterns. Whereas coaches ask focused questions to help clients gain better self-awareness so as to institute their own changes, mentors offer advice and more concrete guidance.

What kinds of things can you expect to discuss in a coaching session? That depends on your coach, and why you sought out the coaching in the first place. (Full disclosure: coaching is a service I offer through PracticeBalance.) While I personally love to guide physicians on journeys of self-knowledge and self-care, my approach has been to individualize coaching based on what each client needs: more frequent sessions vs. less frequent sessions, higher structure vs. gently guided conversations. But some exercises I always suggest are mindfulness techniques and self-knowledge assessments; which ones depend on the individual client's interests and lifestyle.

How do you know if a coach is qualified? Unlike the practice of medicine, the field of coaching does not currently have an over-arching, governing body of certification. A "certified" coach is not necessarly better than a non-certified one; it really depends on the coach's experience - both with clients and within themselves. Kind of like a senior resident or a newly-minted attending vs. the senior physician with tremendous academic accolades, recent life experience can trump a pedigree when it comes to the quality of care you receive. In my opinion, in addition to basic listening and questioning skills, a good coach for you is someone who's experienced the pain points you're going through and has successfully moved past them.

Have you ever had a coach - even a traditional coach for athletic performance? What was it like, and what did you learn? Share your thoughts below in the comments.

(A version of this post first appeared on the blog PracticeBalance)

When is it over, mommy?

 I hate this whole thing so so much. I was congratulating myself on the "so far so good" few weeks we had been enjoying. Our kids didn't mind the masks and new school regulations that much, and were mostly excited about being a part of society again. We had settled into a little routine. Life began humming along back to some sort of predictable rhythm. 

Until it unraveled. As kids do, one of my kids caught a little head cold. Congestion, runny nose. No fever, no cough, nothing that in any other version of reality would make anyone blink an eye, much less miss school and go to a doctor for. But, in Corona-land, this little head cold was an all alarms fire. Visits to Urgent Care, begging for a test, Zoom school, quarantine. At one point, my child broke down. "I hate this. When is this going to be over? Why is it still going on? Why can't the world just fix it?" 

Then, (this child has a bit of anxiety) "do I have to stay in my room? Can you hug me? Can I hug the baby? I don't want a test! I hate Zoom School! It's just a cold! What if it happens again? Don't tell anyone- what if someone else gets sick? What if someone dies?..... 

As a doctor, my kids look to me to fix most ailments- scrapes, splinters, even stitched up chins and stapled scalps. But this is something so beyond any of us. The mental health aspect is as-yet not understood, but judging from my little microcosm of family, friends, and acquaintances, the impact on every aspect of mental health will have far reaching consequences. Words like social distancing, quarantine, and the realities of masks, "shadow tag", zoom school, virtual learning, and a pervasive fear of "others" will take years to recover from. My 7 month old baby has had interactions with a total of 2 adults aside from myself and my husband. We are now teaching an entire generation to on one hand love and respect others by keeping them safe, but on the other hand, never to share, not to recognize a smile, and to essentially exclude anyone not welcomed in to a pre-determined "bubble." It's insane. 

As an essential health care worker, I am "lucky" as I get to go to work and my schedule has not been too disrupted. I have a job, we have a home to quarantine in, and we feel safe in our environment. But we are all living on a tightrope, and our sense of "normal" has cracks and tears when examined up close. Sending vibes of peace, love, safety, health, and calmness out into the world. We all need it.