The bright side of staying home

COVID has induced major disruptions to my life - both personally and professionally - but trying to see the bright side. As I hold positions at two institutions, one administrative and one clinical, I am both in the work-at-home camp and the radioactive-don't-touch-anything-when-I-come-home-from-hospital one, afraid to hug my kids (and, oh, I'm a hugger), although I sneak in a low kiss to the middle of the back from time to time when I'm 14 days out from possible exposure because I would wither from the lack of affection giving.

I see how Facebook, scary as it is, can understand my innermost desires and thoughts these days as I'm pitched ads for 1) scrubs; 2) pony-o hair accessories; 3) premium lounge wear; 4) at home hair coloring kits; 5) hair growth serums (gee thanks, what are you trying to tell me?); 6) weighted blankets - I totally impulse purchased that one; 7) fashionable fabric masks. Also, why have I NOT been wearing scrubs all of these years post residency? Why? Why have I worn nice clothes to the hospital ever? It seems like an anachronism now. All those germs.

So, the bright side of #stayhome:

1) More family togetherness outside. Not going with just plain family togetherness (maybe too much of that) but it's the outside part that's been a difference. Since we are trapped at home all day many days (although husband still must go to work), and kids no longer have their intense sports practices, we've been going out to exercise as a family daily. Taking walks, some of us run together, playing soccer or baseball at the field. We used to do this before but now it's daily. Now that I've played soccer for the first time in my life on a women's adult team (different post!), I can actually pass the ball (kind of) to everyone else! Kind of! In that general direction! This outside togetherness has been source of family joy. (Except for the time I took a walk with the kids and we were on a sidewalk next to a busy street, and I kept scaring the bejesus out of them, yelling at them to stay away from the road and walk in single file so if a car came veering off the street, they wouldn't be killed. I don't think they want to walk with Mama on that street anymore.)

2) We're closer to our neighbors. Similar to the above, we are seeing our neighbors outside more too and our desperateness for human interaction makes the heart grow fonder for visible people, even if >6 feet away. On my daughter's 15th birthday the other day, I messaged a number of neighbors to see if their families could come outside to surprise her with birthday wishes at a specified time. Everyone was "in." We got our daughter out onto the front porch swing and family by family came by and wished her a happy birthday. Daughter marveled at how many people knew it was her birthday and did not realize it was coordinated. One family came by on a walk and then serenaded her by singing Happy Birthday in Spanish. Another dad had his toddler daughter on his shoulders and she had a karaoke microphone, singing a series of songs for her. Another family came by with a huge poster and stopped on our lawn to sing her Happy Birthday. Daughter finally caught on that maybe this was a conspiracy --and was touched. And embarrassed. But mainly touched.

3) Greater oversight of kids' development. Stay with me here. School is a blessing. Teachers are a blessing (and saints too). But, I didn't really know what they were learning exactly and didn't know other ways they were developing to the degree that I do now. We spent many hours apart each day and a lot of it was a black box, except for those rare "parent lunch duties" where I completely appreciated that School is a blessing and Teachers are a blessing. For this window of time (that I hope is not so prolonged...), it's kind of nice to know what they are learning, how they are approaching the concepts, their questions, their curiosity. Don't get me wrong: I have lots of frustration too about this homeschooling situation, could certainly fill a few other posts, but there are some a few a rare number of good things too.

4) Familiarity with the diversity of toilet paper options. I blinked during the beginning of the pandemic and toilet paper was no longer present anywhere. I had to resort to buying various toilet paper varieties from Home Depot that I had never seen before, including business-grade rolls that do not fit on the toilet paper holder and individually wrapped rolls like you see in hotels, just with lower paper grade. Using these alternatives has made me feel unusually resourceful and like I'm roughing it a little - you know, making me humble and all. Like I'm in a developing country or camping or something. But I'm doing it! And it's not that bad.  I also purchased in desperation these paper towels that you pull from the middle of the roll and are massively wide. It's been kind of fun to use these rolls, even when they get to the end when they no longer stand up due to floppiness and must lie dejectedly on their side while we keep pulling out the middle. I'll miss these guys once normal supplies are revived. Luckily, I have many of them still to work through.

5) Outdoor living space revival. As it was becoming clear that we would be staying home for awhile, I finally took steps to make our porch and backyard deck more livable. It's been a dream of mine to have a porch swing and we just pulled the trigger and did it. Now I love our swing! Plus we got chaise lounges for the back. Hanging out at home has become much more pleasant.

I'm sure there's more - less traffic, comfy pants, gas savings? Now I'm reaching.

What are yours?

WHEW

Happy Friday (mine anyway). I made it. We all made it. I'm off the next 5 days, but will be coming in to get updates from Amy and to finish of some cases. Attack that admin pile. Dust.

I asked Tina to put in a work order for Don - I'd seen him in the hall this morning while I was running to a needle in CT 4. It's the last to do decorate wise except to find a sweeping large piece of art to put in front of me in the left. That will be fun to look for. So anyway, Don, a handyman with much raw and emotional intelligence, we've known each other for six years and he did projects in my other office. He was worrying about his younger wife needing surgery - luckily not anything dire or life threatening just aging necessitates that things sag and droop. Especially on women who carry a lot of babies - they get uterine prolapse sooner. Don suggested something I hadn't thought to do - put the diplomas in chronological order of my time as an SP Fellow, AP/CP resident tenures, Chief Resident cert. and finally a fellow in cytopath. A square of four rectangles. A small sum of my past, my climb to get here.

At the end of the day I went downstairs to get more snacks and drinks from the Dr. Lounge - I'm sharing a bit with the admin assistants we made a little basket in the main area so they don't have to bug me to get a treat. Hopefully the camera that is installed to watch the doctors (I saw the Eye) and curb bad behavior will think, WOW. That girl is working out so much she can eat anything she wants and needs more to sustain her these days.There weren't enough barbecue chips left (homemade in a bowl with tongs) so I looked over at the hot food that was currently being broken down for the 3:00 lockdown. Chicken Fried Chicken. I hadn't eaten that since I was still dating my husband. I got some honey mustard sauce and put it in a styrofoam container (sorry, I'll reuse the next one). Forgetting utensils and being too hungry to wait, I ate it joyfully with my hands while releasing cases. Taking care to prevent the keyboard from getting grease on it.

Writing this blog is like an after dinner cigarette, like the ones I so brazenly enjoyed in front of everyone when I was in college and dating my first husband. We were both young and foolish then. When I started medical school I cut way back on that, and tried not to use it unless I really needed it. I try not to fault the close ones in my life their oral fixation blankets anymore either. My husband chews gum all day but oh god his breath always smells so good. I used to chew a lot of gum but after my jaw broke that didn't feel the same anymore. So now I'm addicted to altoids. And I just got some new Coconut Lime Velamints that are like a Pina Colada on a hot summer's day. That doesn't sound so good with the Cherry Coke Zero, so I'll wait until I'm done with that.

See, we are all perfect, and not so perfect in different areas of our lives so we need to cut each other all a little slack. Give ourselves grace, a pat on the back for a job well done, in parenting and in our work and our creative pursuit. Signing off with much love, E

*cross posted at my blog, www.gizabethshyder.blogspot.com. I need to relearn linking. Just did.

Coming Out of the Dark

Happy Monday - it's my Thursday I'm so excited. And I'm about done with this day.

Weekend was kind of crazy but talking to my husband and Alyssa helped me get through it. And I'm glad because I've got to support another friend this afternoon and evening.

So last Friday we were working  on some alternate means of testing. We didn't know we were getting 42 test kits and the clinicians will want to get back to doing surgeries ASAP. So we ran a couple of courier routes to a lab in Joplin and a lab in Memphis - American Esoteric Laboratories (What a great name!). Now we are no longer using Viracor - we are using AEL. We can get more than one courier up there to decrease the turn around time, and like that we are bringing the work more locally.

Friday at lunch I was commiserating about something going on with me all day - hot flashes. I asked a group of women "Do you think it could be menopause?" One micro tech said it sounded like what she experienced, another said that if you go to a male OB they will offer an antidepressant. "Oh that's freaking rich! I cannot believe it, but I can. Not that there is anything wrong with antidepressants, but to give a blanket offer, ugh." I wondered if prostate docs offered antidepressants with their prostate checks. Probably not.

The other day I went to a bathroom down by the cafeteria - hadn't been there  in a while. It is a four staller. Went to the handicapped bathroom stall. This place was usually so full it was weird having it to myself. Mid stream the lights went out. It was terrifying, to be caught in the dark with my pants down. I calmed myself down quickly - these were probably on motion detectors and I could get out of my predicament if I just moved, so I did, and I was right. Little did I know it was a premonition, but we are coming out of the woods now.

Jack won an award today! He is so happy. The 8th graders take these state-wide exams - I remember C got number one on Spanish. I was so confused - "Number one at your school hon?" "No mom, the state." "Wow." Now Jack has won the mythology award, and he didn't even have to study. I told him, "That's how it is with your passion. You could be an academic and study mythology and teach." But mom, cooking is my other passion, and I still might want to be a doctor I'm not sure." "Well you could talk to Uncle Mike and Aunt Effie. And there is this cool series on Netflix that S and I watched a little while back about the chefs with Michelin Stars, and about their journeys that would be good for you to watch. What a great mash up - cooking and mythology. I'm outta here. Much love, E

*Double posted at my blog www.gizabethshyder@gmail.com

What's Going on With You in the Pandemic

I've been blogging for about 2 weeks now. You can follow that at my blog - www. gizabethshyder.blogspot.com.

I'll continue to blog here. More tomorrow.

I've learned a lot from my close Dr. friends in LR about how different specialties are handling this crisis. I want to know more.

Please revive this blog and talk to me. This is a dear space to me. All you beautiful ladies must need an outlet, as I do, in these crazy times.

If you need to reach me, I'm at my personal e-mail - gizabethshyder@gmail.com. It's only accessible to me.

Wax eloquent. Much love. E

Quarantine Questions with a 4 Year Old

(Blubbering) "But WHY can't I go play with Sarah??"

The extent of our current outdoor adventures

How's everyone doing in the era of COVID and shelter-in-place? I, for one, am having a difficult time parenting my 4 year old daughter. Overall, I can't complain; we're happy together as a family, and we're all healthy. Despite changes in work volume, we're secure. Finding ways to balance our time with her needs, as well as physical exercise for all, is going alright. But explaining complex concepts to a 4 year old has been... challenging.

Being that she's 4, her world is pretty small. We've talked about the virus. Why our travel plans for the end of my sabbatical from academic anesthesia have been cancelled. Why Nana and Papa can't come visit this spring. Why we can't go to our gym or her gymnastic classes. Why only Mommy or Daddy goes to the store when we need things. But even a month into staying at home, she doesn't quite get why she can't play with other kids.

It's been easy with friends she's made through her preschool classes, since they're just not nearby. But little friends in our neighborhood are another story. We're in a condo complex, and for the most part, people are doing their best to remain active but socially distant. Dog walkers shift to the other sidewalk when passing. People wave hello, some wearing masks and some not. And as with any neighborhood, there are a few odd ducks. With kids.

Of the similar-aged children in the complex, I've seen the spectrum of parenting styles... made fully obvious now that everyone's home all the time. There's the child who's outside all the time, garage door open and toys strewn about the driveway. She's scootering up and down the roads, calling out for other children. She's wearing her pajamas and eating candy, all day. Mom is young and single, but three other men seem to be living in the home as well. Cigarette smoke wafts from the windows. On the flip side, there's the child who parts the drawn blinds and peers out the window longingly as we take our multiple daily walks. Her parents keep the house dark and quiet. Despite our previous evening chats and child exchanges, I haven't seen any of them outside for weeks - only glimpses of their silhouettes at the dining table when passing by.

My child desperately wants to play with both of these kids. The one is unavailable for even a distant hello. The other is too available. And the "family" is too tricky... When she asks why she can't see the one friend, or why I won't let her play with the other, I have a hard time coming up with what to say.

We definitely believe in authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting. I never want to say "because I said so" as a response to "why". At the same time, I want her to understand that we prescribe the boundaries. So I guess what I'm wondering is, how do I talk about these decidedly complex issues? Mamas of older kids, what have you done? What would you do differently if you could go back?